Harping On

Yet another post about Paddy's Day

2006-03-16T02:07:00.000-08:00

Yeah, just had a look at irishblogs.ie, and I can see I'm only going to be contributing to a cluster of these posts, but howandever it won't stop me!!

Tomorrow is the feastday of our national saint. St. Patrick's Day, for decades a day when you brought the kids to see the carnival..now a week-long festival celebrating the eccentricities of Oirish culture. Also a day where we get to watch Sky News and RTE with a smug smile as they broadcast clips of festivities around the world and we get to congratulate ourselves on th breadth of the diaspora across the globe, and how great our little nation is.

But not forgetting that it's a day when every member of Dublin's underclass gets tanked up on cans of Dutchie and Linden Village, before staggering the short distance from their tenements to the city centre, where they cross the Liffey for the the first time in 12 months to lay siege to Grafton Street, cover the McDonald's street frontage in urine, lay an attractive broken glass carpet on the pavement and generally behave like the little fucks they are.
And the poor Gardai spend the day tearing around town trying to arrest as many burberry wearing knackbags as possible, either due to visible law breaking or the law of averages.

I've been in town the last two years..and it was mental. For entertainment purposes, my friends and I spent a good 15 minutes following the paddywagons (an appropriate monicker, given the day in question) up and down Grafton St, as they moved from mob to mob, to disrupt and arrest the louts.
The scary thing is the utter lack of fear that knackers now have towards the police. That needs to be remedied with a few batons to the back of the head and a good number of arrests. Fear may not be the only thing needed to get the Gardai back the respect they're owed by these... creatures, but it's a step in the right direction.

All-in-all, a day to be proud to be Irish, so long as you don't focus on the Irish.
Have a good one, everybody.

Belated White Christmas.

2006-03-16T01:58:00.000-08:00

Looking out the window of the Daedalus Building in UCD...the snow is coming down in fair sized lumps.

I give up on this country!! It's the middle of March..spring was meant to kick into gear a fortnight ago. Instead, the weather's just gotten worse. 3 solid weeks now of cold, rain, wind and occassionally hail and snow.
And don't go saying that there's no point whinging about the weather because it can't be changed.

I beg to differ.

Hand me an aerosol..this has gone on long enough.

BTW, have been playing "Guild Wars" on a friend's PC out here..bloody addictive!! Worth a look.

USA! USA! USA!

2006-03-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

Star Spangled Banner-Electric Guitar solo.

Aw man....no wonder they're so patriotic. Sounds great. If anyone knows of electric quitar renditions of Amhran na Bhfiann, lemme know..I'd say it sounds good too.

Love Ulster or hate it

2006-02-27T02:17:00.000-08:00

I am ashamed.

Ashamed to be Irish today.

On Saturday, democracy in Ireland was suspended for several hours, as peaceful marchers were denied their right to express their opinion. And a mob of hard line republicans and Dublin scumbags (of which there is an epidemic level in our fair city) went on the rampage, preventing any semblance of law and order across large parts of the city.

I'm getting more and more annoyed as I type this.

Where to begin?

Well obviously blame lies with Republican Sinn Fein for apparently organising this little riot. I think it's about time that the party itself was ruled to be an illegal organisation, because clearly they have no interest in the freedom and inalienable rights of othjer people, or indeed their right to disagree. They need to be raided and closed down as a political party in Ireland. That may seem a little extreme, but what happened on the weekend is, I think, sufficient evidence that extreme action is necessary.

The other Sinn Fein (the ones with apparently no involvement in this fracas) needs to be told quite frankly by both governments that there will be no progress with regards to the North until the IMC have stated that there is not criminality associated with the IRA. SF needs to sign up policing in Northern Ireland and make a declaration in the Republic that they fully recognise the Irish Defence Forces and Oireachtas as the legitimate army and parliament of Ireland. The Dail needs to introduce an oath of affirmation to be taken by all Deputies in which they swear to recognise and uphold the Constitution.
Until all that is done, not one iota of progress should be promised by either Merrion St or Downing St.

There needs to be a full investigation of the Garda response to the threat of disorder on Saturday. While I cannot applaud enough the bravery of the guards on the beat that day, it would appear that people further up the chain of command seriously underestimated the risks that the parade would bring with it, and did not allocate sufficient resources.

There needs to be a massive increase in the number of Gardai on the streets in Dublin during the day and night time. The scumbags responsible for this destruction and wanton criminality are a small percentage of the thousands of knackers that shuffle around our streets day after day. They need watching properly.

The bastards who have so far been charged with various offences need to be tried by the Special Criminal Court, because I don't trust juries to convict them. And we need harsh prison sentences to be imposed to dissuade anyone else from ever trying this again. The Irish state is a mature, 80 year old democracy..this should not be tolerated, and should not be allowed to go unpunished.

As for the 90th Anniversary commemoration of the 1916 Rising..I don't think now is the time to be going about that. Whether it should be called off is a topic for another day, methinks.

What a sad day for Ireland.

Mahommadness

2006-02-06T02:41:00.000-08:00

Absolutely indefensible.

I have been watching the news over the past week with a mixture of incredulity and irritation.
This rubbish over cartoons is so ridiculous that I would be deeply, deeply ashamed to be Muslim right now.

Firstly, the Danish paper in question shouldn't have published these cartoons, as they were obviously going to cause controversy. But there you go.
Secondly, the other European newspapers are to be congratulated for their support of the Jyllands Post because by that stage the controversy was becoming a dispute over the notion of the freedom of speech.
Thirdly, it's worse to burn down embassies than to draw "blasphemous" cartoons.

I can understand that Muslims don't like images being drawn of the prophet. And that they're apparently forbidden to do it. But here's the thing; were not.
We can draw whatever images of Mohammed we like. We can draw him doing whatever we want, because Muslim law does not apply to non-Muslims. So I can appreciate that they might not like it, but tough. Simple as that.
Next, it would have been smart for the Middle Eastern governments that go so uppity over the cartoons to protest to the editor of the paper. But I don't see why they would bother (a) complaining to the Danish government or (b) trying to get the government to get the paper to apologise. The Danes were quite simple about this, there was nothing they could do because there is a free press in Denmark. It has been very interesting to see the reaction in the Middle East to these cartoons. Clearly not one Muslim country there either understands or appreciates the notion of a free press independent of government control. Quite an eye opener alright.

And the reaction in the region was completely unacceptable. To attack and burn down foreign embassies and to firebomb a church in Lebanon, what sort of impression do Arab Muslims want to give us? If they don't want to come across as short tempered, irrational, zealots who try and police the minds of everyone they come into contact with, then they probably shouldn;t go apeshit over a fucking cartoon.
It's just ridiculous. How could people get so exercised over a cartoon? I think it's safe to say that in no Western country would people storm and burn down embassies because a Muslim paper had published a cartoon about say...Jesus with a bomb in his...donkey.. Are we forced to come to the conclusion that Arab countries (and I'm making the difference between Arab and Muslim because no-one in Indonesia or Pakistan has gone torching Scandinavian consulates) is in such a backwards state that this sort of thing could even be considered normal or acceptable?

I don't want to think that Islam is backwards, that the religion of 1.3 billion people is so fundamentally flawed that it cannot survive outside a medieval society. But I'm just not hearing or seeing enough from the Muslim moderates, about whom I'm starting to wonder if they exist in any great numbers. We're very lucky to have a very moderate Muslim community in Ireland, which appears to have a good relationship with the Government, and is actively supporting the Gardai in keeping extremists out of the country. But other states seem less fortunate. The UK, for example, seems filled with thses Islamofascists who are determined to force their views on us here in the West. The Irish Times had a picture on its front page on Saturday of protestors in London (why were they protesting? No British paper published these cartoons?) and one had a placard saying "Europe is the cancer, Islam is the answer." Now firstly I would disagree completely. Secondly, if you don't like Europe then leave. No one is making you stay. Very much the opposite..

I've never seen an entire region of the world act so immaturely, I really haven't. We can hardly be expected to treat the Middle East and its inhabitants as equals, can we? If they're acting like tantrum prone kids?

This is a sort of clash of civilisations, in as much as civilisation (ours) is going up against hot headed and irrational zealotry. We can't appease this sort of nonsense with platitudes and apologies. It's the Middle-Easterners who should be apologising to the Danes and Norwegians for the damage to their embassies.

(Den)marked man

2006-02-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

This, is the cartoon causing all the furore in the Middle East.

This?!
Lads, this is not the most..tolerant cartoon ever drawn, but for this you're storming buildings, burning effigies, complaining to governments and threatening to firebomb churches?

....That an entire religion could be motivated about something this petty would seem to suggest to me that there are a lot of people in the Middle East who have very little to do and should maybe cut back on the caffeine.

As for where the Danish flags are suddenly coming from to be burnt, your guess is as good as mine.

Oscars for TDs!!

2006-02-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

(Michael McDowell. Minister of the Year 2004/2005)

I would love feedback on this one!!!!!

Okay, last year I awarded the above Minister with the coveted "Harping On Minister of the Year" title. Our esteemed Panzer P.D won basically by default, as he is one of a minority in the Government who did anything constructive in the past 12months, because of his bold proposals for cafe bars, his general iniative and vision and, most importantly, his refusal to shy away from confronting SF and the IRA.

I thought I might broaden the scope of the awards this time around.

So..I present to you...

!Dail Awards!

Basically I plan to award T.Ds and Ministers who have actually done their job with some degree of competence over the past 12 months. And highlight the ones who have not

So here are the categories.

Minister of the Year
Teachta Dala of the Year
Minister of the Rear
Teachta Dala of the Rear

Now if anyone wants to nominate people for this, either pose here or email me (address in profile).

Closing date for nominations is the 28th February with results to come shortly thereafter.

US (Ohio)Election Fraud 2004?

2006-01-31T09:59:00.000-08:00

Podcast on the subject, with Mark here.

Ah holy hell.

I'd heard nothing of this!!

Courtesy of Mark Hertsgaard, whose very interesting book I am currently reading (more anon) posted the claim on his site, followed by a long page of querying details, that I've only begun working down.
If this is true, if there is a need for a look into a second Bush election controversy in as many terms, then this may turn out to be the biggest political scandal since..since God knows when. It would dwarf Watergate certainly.

I mean, this is huge, if there's merit to the story.

The...rigging of elections by one party to stay in power in the world's most powerful country and the oldest, most successful and most high profile democracy in the world..
I mean, the '00 elections were a farce, but despite the apparently self-evident corruption and rigging of ballots in Florida, at least it could have been considered a once-off. But if it's happened again, then to be quite honest the crime is worse by a manifold amount.

This isn't impeachment sort of territory. This is removal and imprisonment sort of territory. If (and given the conjecture here, I can't stress "if" enough) this can be traced, like Watergate, back to the White House, to the Oval Office, then not only does Bush have to go, but...Jesus it's the entire political system of the main party in America!!!
This wouldn't be the run of the mill corruption you get in say the Ukraine or Mongolia or something. This is Zimbabwe-style electoral corruption.

But, as I say, unproven.
And that's sort of a relief, to be quite honest.

I don't like the thought of American democracy being whittled away at from the core.
The rotten core.

Now, speaking of Mr. Hertsgaard, I'm reading his book, "The Eagle's Shadow: Why America fascinates and infuriates the world." Speaking as someone who is both loves and loathes aspects of the US and who despises their imperialist foreign policy (call it like it is, in fairness), this book is a really interesting read. He addresses, I think more for an American audience than any other, why it is that their country is held with equal awe and worship on one hand, and violent and bloody hatred on the other. And he does that better than some books I've read on the same topic, as he's not afraid to praise as well as lambaste where appropriate.

EUR4.50 in Hodges Figgs in Dublin, if you're in the market for a book that's more than worth its price.

Munich

2006-01-31T09:10:00.000-08:00

Saw this yesterday.

Em..a little epic in length (I started wondering if it was going to be in real-time!) but what a film.

For those of you who are cinema phobic, the movie is about the Israeli government's reaction to the Palestinian abduction and murder of 11 of their athletes at the '72 Olympics in Munich.
Mossad (Israeli Secret Service) dispatches a black ops team to Europe, where they are instructed to find and kill as many of the ringleaders of the abduction etc as possible. And "Munich" chronicles that in extraordinary detail but also focuses on the effect the killings have on the agents themselves.

Eric Bana (Troy, The Hulk) takes centre stage as Avner, the leader of the operation, assisted by a host of specialists in explosives, organisation and..driving getaway cars. Another member of the cast that I recognised was Daniel Craig, soon to be the new 007.

The film's come in for some stick for portraying the Palestinian characaters as too human, almost apologising for them, while making Avner's team come across as the bad guys. I didn't find that the case at all. It was my experience that Spielberg treats every single death as a tragedy, regardless what side the victim is on.
For me, the film seemed more to be an examination of what it is-or at least was-to be an Israeli citizen, to have that feeling of being surrounded and hemmed in by enemies and the need both to strike back and to strike first.
I think Spielberg neatly seperated the difference between being Jewish (as he is himself) and being Israeli and that the two are not necessarily interchangeable. And, while we find ourselves rooting for Avner and co, there is no doubt that Spielberg regrets the entire thing having taken place. The film's summation leaves the question hanging about whether the Munich reprisals were worth it, whether they may have done more harm than good, and whether the State of Israel should be permitted take such hardline tactics.

And such issues are beyond pertinent, possibly even more now than then.

And I have to say that I've never been so moved by the deaths of characters before. The murder of the Israeli athletes being the most poignant part of the film. Seeing as the cinema-going public tends to be quite desensatised to depictions of death and violence, I can all but assure you that you'll be suprised at how much emotion you'll feel at this movie.

So "Munich" is not just a reverse of "Schindler's List" (where this time the Jews do the killing) but is an honest attempt both to chronicle the events in Europe over that 2 years of assasinations and to provoke debate about people's preconceptions about the Middle-Eastern question.

I can't recommend enough.

Bouncy Ball Ad music

2006-01-28T05:50:00.000-08:00

You've all seen the beautiful ad by Sony for their new Bravia television.

Just thought I would publish a link for the extended version of the soung that accompanies it.
Wonderful song, and possibly the best ad I've ever seen. I don't know how well it markets the product, as I keep thinking its for Canon or Kodak or something (great memory, mine).
But in terms of keeping the viewer's attention, no ad could do better, and no ad could be more warmly recieved by disgruntled telly watchers having to sit through commercials.

I only learnt in the last fortnight that the balls are real! I thought they were CGI. Kudos to everyone included in this fine project.

"Sending 250,000 multi-coloured 'superballs' bouncing down the streets of San Francisco may seem the strangest way to do this, but that's exactly what Danish director Nicolai Fuglsig did for the BRAVIA commercial in July this year. San Franciscans have seen some unusual things in their time, but even this gave them something to talk about. And we've got the feeling that this commercial is going to do exactly the same thing"
-Sony

See also Protozoo on this topic.

Absolut Brilliance

2006-01-28T04:57:00.000-08:00

Oh this a good link. I urge you all to look at it.

Thanks to Toni at GearedUp, I got sent this link (click on the hooded bottle). Worth the time, I promise you.

I'm not proud of this..but...

2006-01-28T04:33:00.000-08:00

Admittedly, I am a bit of a West Brit at times, and I think this blog has been more than fair to our neighbours, plenty of praise where it needs to be said, and especially with the resuce of the Russian sub last year.

However, I'm not going to pass up the chance to post this very good joke.

Yeah, I'm sort of slacking off any real commentary this afternoon!

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd. Her Majesty and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the Queen says to the Pope,

"Do you know that with just one little wave of my hand Ican make every English person in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal-gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides. The Pope, not wanting to be out done by someone wearing a worse frockand hat than he, considers what he could do.

"Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make every IRISH person in the crowd go crazy with joy?This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects,but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so.

"One little wave of your hand and ALL Irish people will rejoiceforever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped the bitch.

Oh, Canada.

2006-01-27T06:47:00.000-08:00

Ireland.com wouldn't let me read the article, but I googled anyway and got the gist of it.

This is a real quicky, as I have to fly soon. Canada will be reaffirming its soveriegn right over the NW Pasage through the Arctic regions North America. Ottowa has always maintained that the passage is a domestinc channel between its islands, whereas Washington claims to be an international channel passage.
Now that the Conservatives are back in power, apparently they're growing some balls up north.

Worth reading their party homepage. Now that they're in power.

Hamas

2006-01-27T06:16:00.000-08:00

Still a very confusing situation in Palestine at the mo.

Right now, it seems that the Palestinian President, Mahmoud Abbas, is staying and that Hamas will be doing deals politically with him, but refuse to touch his Fatah faction.
Israel and the US are saying that they won't talk to Hamas until they renounce violence (Hamas that is, for any smartarses out there ;)

It's disturbing that the Palestinians have chosen a fanatically religious terrorist group as their political masters, but that's the Achilles' Heel of Democracy, the people aren't necessarily good at making good choices (see our lot, for example) all the time. And it will be interesting to see what the EU does now as regards Hamas' terrorist listing. The US is the sort of country that can keep refusing to talk to them, but the EU has the habit of talking (and funding) almost everyone on the planet. And Brussels is a lot more weak willed when it comes to Palestine than Washington, for good or bad.

What I can say definitively is that if Hamas are going to follow the political route to sorting out their aims, then there are several key concepts that come with that.

-Respect other democratic governments. And all governments if you can.
-All States are equal.
-Israel exists.
-Terrorism is even less acceptable by governments than by terrorists.
-Israel can still kick the shit out of you.

Oh, and they can work the colour green better than we do. A nice shade, I think!

Great Wall of Rose-tinted Glasses

2006-01-27T05:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, I don't want to shock anyone, but this may come as a suprise..

China is not a good country.

In fact, it's a communist dictatorship, which is a serial human rights offender and is still illegally occupying a neighbouring country (Tibet). It has nuclear weapons and was responsible for Pakistan's aquisition of nuclear technology, which started the whole ball-game rolling in Iran and Libya.
And the Government regularily cracks down on religious minorities such as the "unofficial" Catholic Church (the real, non State controlled one) and the Falun Gong.

And do you remember Tiananmen Square?

Yeah, that was the one where the Chinese Government sent the army in to quash a student protest for democracy.
These are the people being eulogised by every Western leader that comes crawling cravenly to Beijing for a sliver of their giant economic pie.

As you might imagine, our Taoiseach (never above shaking hands with murderers) is regular visitor, and has repeatedly refusen to take a stern stance on Chinese human rights, or lack thereof. It really irritates me to see all our political leaders leave the morals and the notion of freedom that are the very heart of our democracies behind when the Chinese are on the agenda.
The Chinese are a bunch of bully boys waiting to get enough clout on the world stage before they start throwing their weight around. As een from their softly-softly attitude on Iran, they cannot be trusted to follow general Western concepts on non-proliferation and it's about time people woke up to the fact that China's economic boom has not changed the underlying miasma of its political scene.

This post, incidentally was inspired by Google's decision to censor itself volountarily for its new Google.cn search engine. Despite refusing to hand over information to the Bush Administration in America, they are only too happy to screw other nationalities in the persuit of a quick buck. Google grew up in a lot of people's eyes in recent days, I think. It went from being this darling phenomenon that has revolutionised the internet to a faltering corporate whore, with all the deficiencies that are associated with that.

China is a powerful dictatorship with nuclear weapons, a cruel justice system and a..novel attitude to human rights. And we prostitute ourselves before it. That really is sickening.

New Planet Found!

2006-01-26T02:55:00.000-08:00

Yaaay!

Courtesy of the Telegraph.

"The smallest and most Earth-like planet outside the Solar System has been discovered and astronomers say it increases the chances of finding extra-terrestrial life.
Scientists are excited at the detection of the planet, unromantically named OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb, because it has a low mass, is rocky and has a thin atmosphere.

With a surface temperature of around -364F (-220C) it is unlikely to support living organisms but researchers believe that the find increases the probability that many other such worlds exist and that some could be suitable for life forms.
OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb, around five times the mass of Earth and twice its diameter, is more than 20,000 light years away in the constellation Sagittarius, near the centre of our Milky Way galaxy.
It is only the third extra-solar planet - one that orbits a star other than the Sun - to be detected using gravitational microlensing, a method that relies on light from a background star being bent and magnified by the gravitational field of a star in the foreground.
Keith Horne, professor of astronomy at St Andrews University, is one of the 73 researchers from 32 institutions who collaborated to make the discovery, which is announced today in the journal Nature.
He said: "Our methods are 50 times more sensitive to the discovery of large gas giant planets, so the fact that the third we found is small and rocky means that there must be a large number of them.
"I expect we will go on finding more small rocky planets. This probably increases the likelihood of the existence of some form of life outside our Solar System."
The new planet orbits a parent star a fifth the size of the Sun. Its surface is thought to be buried deep under frozen oceans.
Gravitational microlensing was first proposed by Einstein. For the effect to work, a star must pass almost directly between the observer and the planet or star being observed. As such events are rare, many distant stars must be continuously monitored to detect planets at a reasonable rate.
Michael Turner, of America's National Science Foundation, said: "This is an important breakthrough in the quest to answer the question, 'Are we alone?'
"The team has discovered the most Earth-like planet yet and demonstrated the power of a new technique that is sensitive to detecting habitable planets. We can now probe a much greater portion of our galaxy."
The previous most Earth-like extra-solar planet is GJ 876d, which is 7.5 times the mass of Earth but is too hot to support life."

Great stuff! I know a few years ago they found a fair few gas giants orbiting various suns, but had difficult finding the much smaller rocky ones. And they managed to find those onse by, and this is incredible, studying distant stars for the wobble that the gravitational pull orbiting planets exert on their suns.

Wow.

But using the very confusing method mentioned above, the ability to hunt out planets more likely to support life has been greatly increased, it would seem.
That's very good news, and it's always great to hear exciting stuff like that about the wider universe we live in, especially after the chaos with the Shuttle the past 3 years.

But between this, the ESA's probe to that comet last year, and NASA's space dust probey thing it's looking a bit brighter for those of us on Earth who keep our faces looking upwards.

The description of the planet is so rich in possibility too, I find.
Located near the centre of the solar system, covered in ancient frozen oceans (how do they know this?!)..you'd wonder if billions of years ago creatures on that world looked up into the night sky and wondered the same things we do about the stars above them?
And if life did exist there, did it prosper? Did intelligent life emerge? Did they leave their planet behind and explore their neighbourhood, as we've begun to? Did they escape the end of their world? Or are the ruins of their civilisation frozen forever beneath kilometres of ice until the end of time?

Cheers to those who found this little world. I hope many more come to light too.

Blondie Blogging

2006-01-26T02:35:00.000-08:00

Just to plug a friend's blog.

Blondie has begun her own weblog over at Aoifek.com .
It seems mostly to be concerned with Asian Backstreet Boys and Ratmonsters and is sort of Ebaumsworld's lovechild, but the videos are all worth watching and 'tis a good little site.
So have a look if you can.

Vote for Me!

2006-01-26T02:33:00.000-08:00

Hey..em.. you might see the semi visible little link down by my visitor count, yeah? Well I'd be greatly indebted to any and all of you if you'd click that and vote for me whenever you're passing through. Just so I can get some more exposure! Click the pic above to see the site I'm gunning for. I'm in the politics section (natch).

Thanks, as usal, to Toni for the heads up.

Grow up Iran!

2006-01-26T01:55:00.000-08:00

A bunch of immature crybabies...

Boo Hoo Hoo, the West won't allow us to enrich uranium.. Waaaaaa! They're threatening to tell on us to the Security Council... well we're not playing anymore.

They deserve a good smacking. Or at least their bearded midget President does.

So today the Iranians are saying that they will halt dealings with nuclear watchdogs from the IAEA if they're reported to the UN Security Council.
Oh, and the Russians and Chinese- the former being a long time supporter of Iran and the latter being the jammiest authoritarian state in history- are urging "caution", according to the Irish Times.
Grrr...

Look, here's the thing Iran. We just don't trust you to enrich uranium purely for peaceful purposes. We just don't. You're a fairly out there country, with a theocratic government and a absolute nutcase for a President. Nations that call for other ones to be "wiped off the map" don't get to play with nuclear power. Simple as that.
Democracies can be trusted to use nuclear power responsibly, as their leaders stay in power on the whim of the electorate. Wanna be a big player?

Drop the Ayatollahs, act like a grown up country and try democracy on for size. Until then, Russia will have to do your uranium enriching for you, chewing your food for you in advance like the crybaby you are.

Grow up or Shut Up.
Or we go to war.

Palestinian Elections

2006-01-26T01:18:00.000-08:00

Great to see some semblence of democracy in Palestine this week, with the elections. The Irish Times has a hackneyed picture of inky blue fingers, fresh from voting, on its front page this morning.

Just had a look at their website for some more up to date news, and apparently the entire Palestinian Cabinet from the Fatah faction(also known as the most underworked men in the Middle East..in fairness!!) have tendered their resignations to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, Yasser Arafat's successor. This follows rival group Hamas taking control of Parliament this morning and claiming its 70 seat majority in the 132 seat legislature.

Now the Israelis and Americans, and all right minded democrats, are a little antsy at the results, seeing as Hamas are effectively militants with a political front-like the Shinners, and their general aim is the overthrow of the Israeli State. Very pleasant people altogether.. you can see why people like SF and George Galloway are such staunch supporters of the Palestinian cause.

One to watch anyway. From a comfortable distance.

Canadian General Election

2006-01-25T02:44:00.000-08:00

Interesting result from the Canadian General Election.

First off the Liberals have been thrown out of office (if such a violent thing could ever happen there) after 12 years in power, and the Conservatives have received the largest number of votes with 36.25% of ballots cast, with Liberals in second place and the Bloc Quebecois taking bronze.

CON
124 seats
36.25%

LIB
103 seats
30.22%

BQ
51 seats
10.48%

Interesting because no party recieved a majority and now will have to either form a coalition, which is unlikely given the partisanship between Liberals and Tories and their mutual dislike of the Quebecois (splitters).

And outgoing PM, Paul Martin persued a considerably more independent foreign policy from the US than Prime Minister Elect Stephen Harper (above) is expected to follow.

I'd say Bush is quite pleased with the results. But in fairness, even the most conservative Canadian is hardly going to be most militant person in the world, are they?

Dick Roche crumbles before Chewing Gum lobby.

2006-01-25T02:23:00.000-08:00

Good old Dicky Roche, the most pointless of ministers.

I'm starting to come the conclusion that either we don't need Dick Roche, that we don't need his Department or that both are a figment of our general imagination.

Today, after maybe 4 years of hemming and hawwing, the proposal to tax chewing gum makers to cover the cost of water blasting their produce off the many square kilometres of pavement that it covers in Ireland was scrapped after "intensive negotiations with manufacturers, led by US firm Wrigleys", according to the Irish Times .
Instead, the industry will contribute EUR2 million per annum.

This has been debated to death and I'm glad this nearly pointless issue has finally been laid to rest. While I can see the obvious importance of getting gum off the pavements (just look at Henry Street), this entire thing has gone on far too long.
And we sort of got the short straw, seeing as the machines used to get the gum off the ground cost millions to buy and maintain every year, and will probably not be covered by this deal.

I was well in favour of the tax. But the industry didn't want this sort of thing to become the norm in the EU (and I expect the UK would have followed our lead).

My favourite quote is this..

"Negotiations almost broke down last October over the level of contribution and a commitment to funding research on developing less adhesive gums."

What on Earth..? This took years?!!

More Tapes from the "Bargain Bin"

2006-01-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

I have to give him his props, for a pretty crazy guy, he quite a looker!!

Pity about the whole mad religious jihadi end of things then.

So the interesting news from the Hindu Kush mountains is that Binny (as good a nickname as any) is offering a truce to Dorge and Dick in the White House.
So I guess that's very good news, that the guy who's meant to be trying to defeat the "Great Satan" is now looking for a way out. So my message to the American Government would be to keep up whatever it is you are doing that's leading to that.

But what interests me the most, apart from the presumption that the guy has his own media team, is that he used American polls showing dissatisfaction with the war as his justification for this truce.
Ehhh? Osama Bin Laden generally doesn't strike me as the sort of person who can be using poll results with much credibility. Seeing as he doesn't believe in the notions of freedom to express dissatisfaction, dissent or utter personal opinions.
The guy was holed up for years in the world's most dictatorial country before having to literally head for the hills. And he's pontificating about these results? Seems a little rich to me.

And another thing, the American people are rarely united. But they are all commited to hunting down Osama Bin Laden and bringing him to justice. While a growing number may oppose the Iraqwar (due to "body bag syndrome" and a goldfish like attention span), there's a consensus to continue the broader war against terrorism.

I dunno what the point of the tape was to bo honest. Oh, he did mention the likelyhood of more attacks, but I don't believe him. It's been 4 1/2 years since September 11th and they've not struck again in the US. Evidentally he's being beaten there at least.

Political Correctness

2006-01-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

This is the sort of thing which is really, really, really pissing me off at the moment.

This link was sent to me about a post at Infactah.com

This guy was in HMV and saw copies of "Downfall", the WW2 Hitler's Bunker film, on sale and stocked in the Comedy section. A member of staff, when approached, said that there wasn't room for them elsewhere.
This wasn't enough for our bleeding heart champion of the downtrodden. He emailed the company and gave out.

For. Fuck. Sake.

Personally, I'd have laughed. It's such an Irish thing to do, to stick a Nazi war drama on the comedy shelves because there's nowhere else for it.

My reason for posting this is that we seem in the West (the really unpopular free bit of the world) to be kow-towing to the percieved hurts of each and every possible minority group in society. So everything has to be politically correct because nobody can be left out. Apparently a hospital in Dublin couldn't put up a crib for Christmas because it would offend other religions.

Ireland is a Christian country. If you don't like that, you're free to leave.
Goodbye.

In Britain, Tony Blair wants to introduce a law to make it illegal to publicly criticise religions.
Personally I'm not the biggest fan of what I percieve to be massive shortcomings in the interpertation of the Koran by a large segment of the leaders of the international Muslim community.
This is a polite way of saying that at times Islam can seem backwards.
To bring in a law making it illegal to voice your personal opinions is completely contradictory to the notion of freedom or speech and freedom of expression. If a religion can't take being criticised at all, then I somehow doubt it has the ability to survive at all.

And sorry, as I'm typing this, something came to mind.

Where are the moderate Muslims? We never hear from them. There appears to be no international eqivalent of the nuts in Al Quaeda and the ones running most Muslim countries. I'm just saying, Muslim leaders could do more to lead their religion and society away from extremism, not just reacting to the actions of the zealots.

Anyway..

I do believe public figures should strive to appear as opening and welcoming to all members of the community, regardless of their ethnic or religious backround. Right? So no "working like blacks" remarks please, Mrs. O' Rourke.
But I also believe that commentators in the media, and private members of society should be able to say what they feel (subject to incitement to hatred laws). That's what living in a free country is all about.

But back to the guy who started me off.

....

People who take this attitude or perpetual indignation on behalf of minorities is ridiculous when directed at such minor issues.
Nobody could actually be offended by Downfall being in the comedy section.

If people are, then I really feel sorry for them, because they're wasting a lot of hot air on a very trivial matter.
As have I, just now!!

P.D B.S

2006-01-18T04:53:00.000-08:00

Kudos if you get the title.

I've been meaning to come around to this for about a month. Now's my chance to rip this shoddy piss take of a proposal.

Have people seen this?!

The Progressive Democrats are proposing to move Dublin Port from it's location in..Dublin port off to north Fingal (up the coast a bit, I'll try and find a map)

I was sent the link from Toni to see the big version here,and it's worth clicking to see the big picture.
Which is ironically what's missing in the proposal.

First off, Dublin port has been in Dublin port for centuries. Only in the most dire economic situation should that be changed. The port was originally the city's raison d'etre and a trading post. To end over a milennia of tradition just to get some fancy loft apartments seems a bit short sighted to me.

Secondly, this isn't even a cogent argument. They want to dismantle and move the port, and put all these big buildings down in its place..
Not a chance in hell would that get planning permission, no matter how pretty it looks. Does anyone honestly think that the Nimbys in Sandymount and Clontorf would accept these "skyscrapers" being put up, no matter how ideal the location? I would have a time believing it. Especially given the ruckus over Spencer Dock.

Thirdly, the south side of the port, where the chimneys are has a massive and expensive sewrage treatment plant there already, which is only a few years old and was built at some considerable expense to the European taxpayer ;)
That..doesn't seem to be on the pretty picture above.

That and the fact that the Poolbeg Chimneys are are part of a working power station (to the best of my knowledge). I don't think high rises are the ideal thing to be building around that.

Fourthly, the people of Balbriggan would be none to pleased at the idea of a large port being built up near them. I wouldn't be!! I can't see Fingal County Council jumping at the idea either.
And hang on! What was the point of the bloody port tunnel then?!

Enda Kenny, Fine Gael leader (main Oppositon party), recently criticised the lack of joined-up thinking in Government in Ireland. I completely agree, and not just to toe the party line!
This is just a cynical bit of non-news from the PDs, who are looking for a reason to exist in the run-up to the 2007 elections. I mean they actually mention that this development would turn Dublin into a major cruise ship destination.

Please.

Dublin is nowhere near the major cruise routes and has the misfortune (in one sense) to face onto a dirty industrial little sea between Ireland and the back arse of the UK. Which cruises would come this way exactly? I know we get a reasonable number of round-the-world ones in, but to suggest that this idea would lead to a maissve increase in numbers of cruise ships is a little hard to swallow.

And where would the ships berth? Seeing as the port would have been moved?!

Joined up thinking? These people can't even join the dots.

My main objection is that I like the way to port looks at the moment, thank you very much.
I prefer this picture to the one above.

The argument on Archiseek is worth reading too, by the way.

Water Wings

2006-01-17T09:38:00.000-08:00

On rte.ie.....

"A court in Spain has given two British passengers four months suspended sentences for stealing life jackets from a Ryanair flight.
The two passengers were flying from Nottingham East Midlands to Barcelona earlier this month.
Ryanair says passenger safety is its number one priority and has welcomed the outcome.

The low cost airline has now banned the passengers from flying with the airline."

The scum should have been pushed out of the plane once it reached cruising altitude!

I was talking to a friend of mine over coffee the other day, and we were thinking..do the Spanish ever wish they could ban British scum from their country. It wouldn't be hard. All they'd have to do is hold up a picture of Vicky Pollard at Customs and whoever matches the image gets kicked out (it's like racial profiling, only snobbier. Tough).

We could do the same. Sort of. Anyone entering Ireland in attire looking remotely like that for a hen or stag night would be turned away.

Sounds good to me! I'll put that on my imaginary election manifesto. The one that must never see the light of day.

My own Church..

2006-01-17T08:26:00.000-08:00

Make your own here!! I found mine on Aoifek.com

More to come as I think them up.

Intelligent Design ruled to be stupid.

2006-01-12T07:02:00.000-08:00

I am of course paraphrasing, but great news for the rational thought lobby!

The court case brought by concerned parents against the Dover Area School Board in Pennsylvania last year over the proposed teaching of "Intelligent Design", a trumped up version of Creationism that states the natural world's complexity is due to its being kickstarted by an intelligent designer (I can smell bullshit, dunno bout the rest of you), has been victorious. A federal judge ruled against the school board.

Essentially the entire ID debacle was started when members of the board planned to basicially teach religion in biology class (I know I am really compressing the issue but I'm short on time). As I'm sure most of you know, the US Constitution forbids the mixing of Church and State-or so it has been read to have done over the past 200+ years.

Said Judge John Jones, "We find that the secular purposes claimed by the Board amount to a pretext for the Board's real purpose, which was to promote religion in the public school classroom."
So that's that really.

Now I am aware that the theory of evolution is merely a theory, and that it does not provide conclusive and exhaustive proof of its claims (if it did, I presume it would be called the Law of Evolution..mebbe I'm wrong), but there is simply no other competing theory that I am aware of that is founded on the same rational thought and scientific research.

Good day for every American worried about the stability of the wall between Church and State. And for the rest of us who are deeply unnerved by the rise of the evangelical right.

PMQs and Iran

2006-01-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

Quite a boring and dry set of Prime Minister's Questions in the House of Commons yesterday, but there was one or two things of interest.

Firstly was the awful mess Sir Menzies Campbell, acting Lib-Dem leader made of a point he was making on schools missing headmasters. Let's just say that a party with no current leader should not bring attention to it by criticising the Government over its failure to provide leaders (of a sort) elswhere. The House collapsed in tears of laughter. Poor Ming Campell might not recover from that one, but given his age and the increasingly downward age demographics that parties seem to be looking for (David Cameron), he's a bit too old for it anyway. Despite being the most able by far. But perhaps such electoral niceties aren't needed when you're the 3rd party and hamstrung by the manner in which votes are allocated anyway.

The other important thing was the general consensus on what to do with Iran, which seems hell bent on getting sanctions. On Tuesday, they broke the UN seals on its nuclear facilities, indicating an intent to move onto a process of enriching uranium for what it says will be peaceful uses.
But given that this is the country whose President has called (a) for Israel to be "wiped off the map" and secondly for a Jewish homeland to be established somewhere in Europe instead, this is clearly not a country that has shown the maturity or trustworthiness to be allowed play with atomic energy.
Tenner bet has the Israelis striking said facilities at some stage, if nothing is done.

It'll be off the UN Security Council soon anyway, and I can imagine there will be a general consensus for sanctions. If not, I hope Russia will at least abstain, rather than use their veto.

Will keep an eye on this anyway.

Toni the Tiger

2006-01-12T06:42:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would put some praise on the blog, so often it's just sniping and vitriolic abuse that gets posted.

Friend of mine is off to an interview/assessment thing in London for Reuters in February. If things go well, there could be an oh-so lucrative career ahead of him there. Fingers' crossed he gets it, it would be extremely deadly if he does.

So a big public bualadh bus for you there, Toni.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

2005-12-23T07:56:00.000-08:00

Well the title really says it all, so I guess all I have to say is a very Happy Holidays to anyone who reads the blog, regulars and randomers alike!

I have so much to talk about when I come back from the week long drinkathon that is the Irish Christmas/New Year experience. The PDs plans for Dublin Port (thanks Toni, I saw that pic last week), the usual ranting about a certain hyperpower's foreign policy, bitching about the "Shower in Power" and of course the court result in Dover, Pennsylvania, which was the Intelligent Design (oxymoronic!!) case where the school board wanted to teach creationism-by-another-name alongside science. Great news is that the judge ruled against them very definitively.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster must be pleased.

See you when I see you, most likely in the New Year, if the world doesn't end first.

I shall catch you on the flip side.

Cartoon

2005-12-22T04:59:00.000-08:00

The Weekly Building: The Custom House

2005-12-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

Yep this is the new feature I wanted to do. Every Friday, I'll be documenting the history of a different Dublin building. It's struck me for the past few years how little so many people know about our fair city and some of the magnificent buildings within.

The Custom House
(James Gandon:1781-91)

Isn't she just the most beautiful building you've ever seen? I pass the Custom House every day on the DART, and that south front never ceases to take my breath away. Perfect in every way. Ireland's greatest building.

The Custom House is often considered architecturally the most important building in Dublin and is sited on the river front with Beresford Place to the rear. The Custom House was the first major public building built in Dublin as an isolated structure with four monumental façades. The previous Custom House by Thomas Burgh and built in 1707 was sited up river at Essex Quay and was judged as unsafe just seventy years later (despite it's not actually being terribly unsafe.). The site chosen for the new Custom House met with much opposition from city merchants who feared that its move down river would lessen the value of their properties while making the property owners to the east wealthier. The decision to built further down river was forced by the Rt. Hon. John Beresford (1738-1805) who was appointed Chief Commissioner from 1780 onwards and was instrumental in bringing James Gandon to Ireland. He favoured shifting the city centre eastwards from the Capel - Parliament Street axis towards a new axis on College Green with Drogheda Street and the construction of a new bridge linking the two sides. Mainly because he owned large estates in the area and knew that a new bridge downstream would enrich him considerably. The building was built on slob land reclaimed from the estuary of the Liffey when the Wide Streets Commissioners constructed the Quays. The line of the crescent Beresford Place that surrounds the Custom House follows roughly the line of the old North Strand along the estuary before the construction of the Quays.Started in 1781, the new Custom House was finished ten years later at a cost of over £200,000, a sum that raised uproar in Parliament (who themselves had a magnificent and not inexpensive new building on College Green). The finished external design consisted of four façades each different but consistent and linked by corner pavilions. The exterior of the building is richly adorned with sculptures and coats-of-arms by Thomas Banks, Agnostino Carlini and Edward Smyth who carved a series of sculpted keystones symbolising the rivers of Ireland.

In the Irish Civil War of 1921-1922 the interior of the Custom House was destroyed when the building was completely engulfed by fire lit by the IRA. The fire blazed for five days, destroying a huge quantity of public records. The heat was so intense that the dome melted and the stonework was still cracking because of cooling five months later and Gandon's interior was completely destroyed. The building underwent serious reconstruction and the dome and drum were completely rebuilt in Ardbraccan limestone as opposed to the original Portland stone because we were too cheap to import stone from abroad, and also because it was desired that more Irish materials be used in the building. Anyone looking at the south facade now can see the damage that did to the overall scheme, as the dark brown drum contrast unwelcomingly with the sparklingly white Portland stone. The building was further restored by the Office of Public Works in the 1980s after it was discovered that the large cornice was in danger of collapsing from the damage caused by the fire and the rusting of the ironwork braces holding the stonework together. The fine sculptures and coats-of-arms that adorn the building were restored and a new Portland Stone cornice fitted to replace the sub standard one fitted after the fire.

The Custom House has been claimed to be the inspiration for several other buildings of note, both here and abroad. It takes much of it's cues from Somerset House in London, designed by Gandon's master, Sir William Chambers, though our Dublin masterpiece surpasses that monolithic building in our sister capital by miles.

Buildings claimed to be the descendants of the Custom House include Government Buildings in Dublin(left and right), with its long street frontage, central domed entrance and use of Portland stone, and the National Concert Hall, the facade of which looks very much like a more severe-and substantially less successful-version of the Custom House, minus the drum and dome.

Abroad, it has been claimed that Edward Lutyens immense Viceroy's Palace in New Delhi, India, takes much of its frontage from the Custom House also.

A great building, then, and one of the neoclassical masterpieces of Europe (no I'm not exaggerating!).

Opening hours are sporadic at best. The Dept of the Environment and Local Government (who occupy the building) have opening hours on their site but they're...wrong. Better off waiting till the summer/spring and then checking tourism sites. I'm pretty sure the little visitor centre is closed at the mo.

I've been getting public transport past the Custom House for the past 9 years. And I have never failed to admire its magnificent design when passing. A wonderful vantage point is from the Northbound platform of Tara St DART station, but the absolutely best view is from the S.W corner (the left hand side of the building as shown in the 2nd picture in this post). I can't find a picture online to show how good this position is from which to see the building, but believe me, it's taken my breath away before. It just soars away in front of you, above and away towards the sea. The level of craftsmanship is incredible and the design must have been divinely inspired. The river facade is just perfect.

I don't intend to wax this lyrical about the rest of the city, but I thought I'd begin with my favourite.

James Gandon should have a statue to rival O'Connell's in my opinion.

Thank Christ for Friday

2005-12-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Sort a strange invocation, given the picture below..

Anyway, I had sort of planned to start a new series of weekly articles today, but I've no time.. So I will begin it on Monday (and you'll have to wait to then to get what I'm on about). I saw "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" today. It was excellent. 4/5 from me. Empire were a little cheap and gave it 3/5, but they're all worshipping at the altar of Peter Jackson and Kong, so I wasn't exactly suprised by that.

I got this li'l beauty of a picture off Lisa Bee from Limerick (if I use her real surname, she would very likey have me shot). It might offend if you're of a sensitive persuasion. Or a Catholic without a sense of humour. And Jesus knows we have enough of those..

See you Monday, folks. Have a good weekend. I intend too.

Ivorgate

2005-12-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

Ivor the Tank Engine seems to have puffed his last. Off to the shed with you, ya poor sod.

Eh..I'm sort of in two minds about this to be quite honest.
I mean it's always good to see the Shower in Power take a tumble, but it all seems a little overblown, for a FF minister I mean.

The whole shambles in his Department was embarrassing, yes, and offering his personal secretary a car to stay was...idiotic...but that's nothing extraordinary for an Irish minister to be able to get away with. Remember, Martin "fuckwit" Cullen is still in the Cabinet, despite spending EUR56 million on faulty voting machines (or at least ones that aren't quite democratic enough).
It all seems to have come to a head over Ivor's having had a construction company carry out work at his home and then not have to pay for it. Now I'd certainly consider that grounds for resignation, but our Taoiseach has always been hesitant to give Ministers the chop, despite indiscretions and, well, ineptitude.

Methinks it's because there's an election in the air and Bertie doesn't want any stains to be too recent in the public's goldfish-like memory.
Not to worry there, Bertie. The EUR150 million spent on a broken computer will be enough by itself. Sure when you add the rest of the Government's legacy of waste, incompetence, cronyism, cowardice and greed, you're a fair way towards the knackers' yard as it is.

Mary II and Elizabeth II

2005-12-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Good to see the continued dialogue between the Queen and our own dear Uachtarain.

Those of you missed this, Her Majesty and Her Excellency met in Hillsborough Castle today. This is the first meeting between the Irish and British Heads of State on the island of Ireland since King George V visited in 1911 and looked in a mirror (if you follow).

This increases speculation that the Queen will visit the Republic next year, the first visit of a British monarch south of the border since the one I circuitously mentioned above.

Now, I have a personal hang up about the length of a two-term presidency (one I share with Pat Rabbitte). I think 14 years is too long for someone to stay in elected office, even if they are a figure head. And I do sometimes get irritated by the President's adoption of the Government's policy of "shake the hand of every republican in sight", but she's doing a pretty good job, especially with relations with our nearest neighbour.
So keep it up, Ma'm, and we might find a UN retirement for you yet!

Law Lords throw out torture-gained evidence.

2005-12-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

Worrying that the undemocratic chamber is the one upholding the civil rights of British citizens while the democratic one tries to ramroad all the terrorism-related nonsense through, isn't it?

This afternoon the Law Lords (in effect the British Court of Final Appeal), who sit in the House of Lords, ruled that any evidence gained through use of torture cannot be used against terror suspects in the UK.
Which is a massive blow to Home Secretary Charles Clarke-who I cannot stand-and the Labour Government, who have been trying to force as many pieces of legislation that undermine the civil liberties of the British people through Parliament as possible.

It also means that the Home Office will have to review all evidence gained from other countries in relation to trials in Britain.
Conservative shadow attorney general Dominic Grieve said the judgement was "a completely correct restatement of a law that has existed for hundreds of years".
Lib Dem foreign affairs spokesman Sir Menzies Campbell said it was a "landmark judgement", which would have implications for other cases coming before the courts".
He said it showed "an independent judiciary has once again been more effective in defending individual rights than this government".
Amnesty International said the "momentous" ruling overturned the "tacit belief that torture can be condoned under certain circumstances".
Shami Chakrabarti, director of civil rights pressure group Liberty, said: "This is an important message about what distinguishes us from dictators and terrorists.
"We will not legitimise evidence obtained by torture by using it in our justice system."

Now all I'm waiting on is for the US Supreme Court to say the same. And they've been drifting in that direction for a fair while now, so it's not beyond the realms of possibility.
A good day for human rights.

The Best Page in the Universe

2005-12-08T04:30:00.000-08:00

No, not mine..

Brilliant site, hilariously angry humour. His take on Star Wars Episode 3 is great.
I really recommend it, though it's best if you have a fairly black sense of humour.

David Cameron

2005-12-08T04:06:00.000-08:00

Good to see the Tories went with someone electable this time and choose David Cameron as party leader.
Unfortunately I missed Prime Minister's Questions yesterday but apparently he was on fire, trying very well to drive a wedge between the British government's plans for education reform (the details of which would bore me to tears) and the increasingly mutinous Labour backbenchers.

Now I have to say that I will always prefer a Labour government in power in the UK because...I'm Irish and the Tories don't have the best track record here. And I'm quite pro-European and they are about as Eurosceptical as it is possible to be without becoming the UK Independence Party or the US Republican Party.
But a bit of proper politics is welcome in Britain after 8-nearly 9- years of Blair reigning supreme and the Conservatives wallowing in the electoral abyss. And I know it sounds mean spirited but it's a joy to see Blair being confounded at every turn in Parliament. Either because I disagree with his legislation (pretty much all his terrorism-related stuff and that religious hatred nonsense) or because I just want to see him have a bad time.

I used to have tremendous respect for the guy, but in recent years he's become a White House prostitute. He's dead as a party leader, his own MPs have given themselves carte blanche to disagree with him publicly and vote against him in the House. He's be as well to hand over to Gordon Brown asap, to let the man gain a public persona as PM and as party leader. Because Cameron will be at the dispatch box for the next 3 years, carving out his niche as Leader of HM Opposition and the sooner Brown can fully speak his mind on all issues, without having to see if Tony will suffer it, the sooner he can begin to combat the biggest electoral menace Labour have faced since...well admittedly since the Iraq War (bad year for the Labour Party overall!).

Cameron is certainly a wolf in sheep's clothing, and I wouldn't even trust him with my shopping, but he's going to make things very difficult for Blair and, from the vantage point of a relatively unaffected outsider, he'll make British politics much more interesting to watch.

Pwesents

2005-12-07T07:54:00.000-08:00

This is what I want for Christmas. A JPII doll.
According to the site, he speaks more than 25 different phrases.

I imagine these include:

"No Gays"
"No Protestants"
"No Gay Protestants"
"No Women"
"No Touching"
"No Thinking"
"No. In General"
"These are my ruby red slippers, Dorothy. Get your own."
"No...the pink robe doesn't make you look feminine, Ratzinger"
"What Would Jesus Do?"
"Condoms make as little sense as science"

Any more? Comment box is waiting!!

Miss Ugly

2005-12-07T07:39:00.000-08:00

There are some real uggers in the contest too

http://www.missworld.tv/teams/default.sps?teamid=1422

There should be a warrant for Miss Malawi's arrest.

Bringing Miss World down to Earth

2005-12-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

This was something else that cropped up in the pub last night.

Toni was going on about how he respects those who win beauty contests. Myself and Blondie disagreed.
Toni is of course biased in this because he's related to a certain eyebrow monster (above).

My opinion on this is that beauty contests are cattle auctions. Best looking girl wins. There's nothing else to it. Anyone who dresses it up as something more than that is either (a) working in the marketing department of Miss World, (b) a contestant or (c) a female fan of the show (guys know how shallow it is).

Moooooooooo

I went onto the Miss World website (ahem..for research purposes only) and their motto is "beauty with a purpose". Sorry but the only purpose of beauty is to be beautiful. And I 'm not taking that away from the contestants, they're stunners, but dressing that up with a mission statement that tries to present the auction as something more than the shallow beauty contest it is, is stretching credibility a little.
As for respecting them. I can give the winners and entrants their dues. Fair play for having the guts. But I don't respect them.
Respect is something you should earn for your work and achievements in a field of learning, sports or employment or for your commitment to a higher ideal. Not for looking good in a bikini.

I respect teachers, nurses,priests and social workers. I respect some politicians (not many). I respect members of our Armed Forces, our Gardai and those in the rescue services (take a bow, Toni). But equating the sacrifices those people and others make with the performance of some strutting little barbie doll in a two-piece is a bit out of order.

So, if I had the coherence of mind to have a concluding thought, it would be to treat beauty contestants as the slabs of meat they are. And to extend proper courtesy and respect to the people making real sacrifices in our community.

Christmas Charity

2005-12-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

This isn't going to earn me any friends.

Was in the pub with Toni and Blondie (names have been changed to protect the innocent) last night and Blondie mentioned that for Christmas she was giving the money she should be spending on her family to charity instead....and that her family would get some sort of pat on the back card saying "well done, you're a present down this Christmas" or something from the charity.
Now, I'm all for charity...but not at the expense of presents!!!!

Christmas is partially about getting things from other people. That's why it's become such a wonderfully capitalist holiday. By all means people should give money to charity at Christmas, God knows I do, but you're also obliged to get gifts for nearest and dearest too.
Look, I'm sure little Umbumba wants to go to school or eat or live or something, I can understand that..but I'm sure she too would understand that I would like my clothes, books etc. A whole year goes by between Christmasses-not that Umbumba will live to see her first-and it's my favourite time of the year. If someone were to try and give the money they were going to spend on me to charity, I would chase the cash to the ends of the earth and wrench whatever it had been used to buy from the scrawny little hands of the poor bastards who got in my way.

Look, God says we have to give presents on Christmas. The Wise Men didn't arrive with patronising little cards from Concern, did they? Fuck no! Jesus would have kicked their asses.

Anyway, don't think ill of me for vocalising what you're all thinking deep down...

Shannon debacle

2005-12-06T06:55:00.000-08:00

Was watching a bit of Questions and Answers last night, the first question to the panel was about the rumoured use of Shannon by the US for the illegal process of "extraordinary rendition", which I covered at some irate length a fortnight ago.

Minister Mary Coughlan was on the panel and was asked to explain the Government's reaction to all the allegations. Her response was quite interesting.

First off, she was quite clear that the Government had sought expressed assurances from the Americans that this was not taking place at Shannon, and that they had recieved this. I'd heard that myself last week, so it wasn't exactly news to me but still good to hear. The US seems to have been quite adamant on this point and we all now that Bertie doesn't like being lied to (remember the Northern Bank raid?).
So I'd have my doubts as to whether Shannon is being used for this purpose.

Minister Coughlan also said that if the US was found to have lied about this, then there would be serious consequences and that it would do irreperable damage to the special working relationship we have.
I'm guessing that means no more Shannon.

She went on to say that Ireland is co-operating in a Council of Europe (seperare entity to the EU-though with same flag...ffs) investigation into the reports of torture, rendition and illegal transport and imprisonment of suspects within the European continent.

But I was wondering why aren't we doing the same here by ourselves??
I mean in fairness it's not like we have a great area to search. They're only using Shannon. All we'd have to do is search planes that are suspected to be involved in these criminal procedures. It seems to me that the Govt doesn't want to face up to the uncomfortable rumours and are afraid of what they might find.

Bloggy Blog Blog

2005-12-01T02:30:00.000-08:00

I was going to continue on my Luas fetish (if the RPA can have one, so can I), but I'm a little swamped with work so it'll have to wait till tomorrow at the earliest. Maybe monday.

Miserable bloody day today, isn't it.. A nice day for private transport (bet you took the Yaris to DCU today, Toni. You hypocrite ;-) )

Murderous looking queue waiting for free PCs here in the Orts block, so I'd better sign off now. More comments on the Luas-or any other topic-is welcome.

Ultimate Luas!

2005-11-30T10:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah I lied earlier..

Okay..this is what I would try and do if I held the reins of power.

Okay....I put a few new routes in as you can see!

The Green Line now runs from Sandyford/Carrickmines to Stephen's Green and then down George's St to Temple Bar, and up Capel St via Grattan Bridge. From there it could head to the Arbour Hill part of the city to the site of the new DIT campus..and then onto Blanchardstown.

The Red Line continues to the Point Depot via Mayor St in the IFSC.

The Purple Line starts at Stephen's Green and runs along Stephen's Green North, down Merrions St and Square, through Trinity College and across a new bridge to join the Red Line at Mayor St.
It follows the red line as far as Beresford Place, where it heads up Gardiner St and along Parnell St, off north to Phibsboro, Glasnevin and eventually the airport.

And then there's the Blue Line, which is a circular south inner city route.
It runs from Stephen's Green to St. Patrick's Cathedral, then up to Dublin Castle. Then down behind the Civic Offices and through Temple Bar to Westmoreland St, which it crosses along Fleet St, off past Hawkins House, turning back up by Pearse St and through Trinity College along the Purple Line back to Stephen's Green.
This would unite the south inner city completely and allow easy transfer from north to southside via the Green Line.

The brown dotted line is an inner subway which would circle the inner city and allow quick transit across the entire city.
In Vienna they have one subway line that does just that. It works a treat.
Starting at Connolly, it goes straight south to Pearse St. Then up to Merrion Square, under Leinster House and Molesworth St to Grafton St. Then up to Stephen's Green, off to St. Patrick's, Dublin Castle and under High St down the Liberties to St. James' Gate and St. James' Hospital (where it meets the Red Line Luas). Then under the Liffey and back via Blackhall Place, Smithfield, Henry St and Talbot St.

Taa Daa!!!!

Dublin forum

2005-11-30T04:48:00.000-08:00

Forums there are very good for discussion and debate on the city. Just joined today. If you have educated opinions on the world's biggest village, it's worth having a look.

Last One!!

2005-11-30T04:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, I swear this is the last one.

There's some meglomaniacal fun to be had in running Luas lines wherever you want. The ultimate power...this is what it must be like for the RPA.

Robin said in the comment box of the original post that we should kick the cars OUT.

So I've run Luas lines along every single main road in the city. That should teach the fools to drive their own cars...it isn't like this is a free society or anything.
I've stayed on that indifferent theme and run Proposed Route B straight from Stephen's Green to O'Connell Bridge like a lazer.
There might be some disruption...but we don't have to take common sense and the feelings of business owners and car drivers on the route. This is the Luas, it's above all that!

More Luas

2005-11-30T03:47:00.000-08:00

Actually I have an even better route for Plan B.

As you can see it takes a sharp left turn at Merrion Square and proceeds through Leinster House, where it stops, and then through the TDs office building back to my "back arse route" (careful now).

If the Department of Transport is hiring, I can do the job of the entire RPA singlehandedly!!

Luas is suas in the air

2005-11-30T02:33:00.000-08:00

I'd really appreciate feedback on this one.

Yes I know it is Wednesday...yes I know I said I would be back on Monday.

Sloooooowwwwwwww news week here in Ireland...I can see this one being a brutal one for news. All we have is an industrial disupte. Seriously, that's all. 4 million people and one item of news.

Anyway, have you all seen the proposed Luas lines???

Eh.....has the RPA collectively taken leave of its senses?

3 of the 5 suggested routes would run down lower Grafton St, College Green, Westmoreland St and across O'Connell Bridge.
Otherwise known as some of the most important and busy streets in the city.

Anyone who has been on O'Connell St, Westmoreland St and College Green knows that they are the used by the vast majority of cars to cross from the south inner city to the northside and comprises pretty much the only route for buses to get from Dublin2,4,6 etc to the north of the city. And if you've been on a 46A, 10 or any other bus that plies that route, you'll know how busy it is with public transport.
Putting a tram along that would take up effectively all the road space, with one token lane left/

That would be completely impracticle..but we like to do things backwards here in Ireland. Or the wrong way, as it can also be called. So I have little doubt that's where the Luas will be heading.

Okay, Route B has merit in as much it avoids the very core of the city and reaches more parts of the south inner city. The only problem I see in it, is the apparently desperate need to get it near to O'Connell St. I don't understand quite why it has to be strung along Pearse St. Actually, I would also try and run it through the back arse of the Trinity campus instead of down Westland Row past Pearse St DART station because that road is packed at rush hour. I'd also propose that it continue to the quays and cross the liffey down there, across a new bridge to the IFSC, where it would join an extended Red Line n Mayor St and run to Connolly-as it tentatively propose the extended red line will do.

Route C isn't the worst either, as it avoids major traffic ares intially by sticking to back streets from Stephen's Green to George's St. Then it runs into Dame St and, I love this, runs half the length of Dame St.
Dame St. is busy...all day every day. From personal experience, I'd say it's busier than O'Connell St. So running a tram along it would be idiotic.
Instead, I'd recommend continuing in a roughly straight line from George's St into Temple Bar. In there it could be split into two lines for the two directions, as I doubt many of the streets there could take both sets of rails. The area is practically devoid of traffic as it is, so it could be run straight to O'Connell Bridge (which the RPA seems to have some sort of fetish towards) with minumum disruption. All that would be needed would be the pedestrianisation and "Luasification" of Lower Fleet St. Then it could turn onto the very bottom of Westmoreland St and cross the Liffey.
Although personally I think it'd be even better to run straight down from George's St through Temple Bar towards the Liffey, turning near the quays onto the bottom of Parliament St and across Grattan Bridge to the Red Line.
That would link both lines and open the rather ignored area around George's St up more.

Route D is asinine. It's Route A only with a new bridge to avoid O'Connell St.

And Route E....follows the Route A plan, only with seperate tracks on Dawson St and Kildare St for the different directions. Just to cause maximum disruption. The only merit in this plan is that it would really bring home to the TDs in Leinster House how stupid the RPA's plans are.

So.. here are the suggestions I made above in picture form....

My changes to Route B are in pink and purple, the ones to Route C are in green(oh! and pink..just noticed that).

I honestly think they'd make more sense. If you agree or disagree post saying why (Especially you, Robin and Pagano)

Colbert Report

2005-11-25T07:49:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, I said I was gone till Monday, but I was just watching "The Colbert Report" on Comedy Central and I have to plug this!

Very good fake promo-piece for the oil industry...hard to explain. Just watch.

Brrrrrrr!!!

2005-11-25T07:04:00.000-08:00

Bloody freezing today isn't it?

About the only time in my life I would willingly exchange places with someone in Iraq. Sure it's a lot sunnier and hotter there. And all those car bombs must be keeping them toasty and warm, so long as you stand far enough back.

Daedalus Building out here in UCD has a draft straight from the bowels of hell. You know those sort of drafts that send freezing air creeping up the back of your top or trouser leg? That's exactly what it's like.. I'd go hunting for the source (the door...) but there's a mutinous looking queue waiting for PCs and I fear they might pounce on me the minute I leave mine. Especially if they see me typing this meaningless twaddle!

Not really motivated enough to type and search for the bones of a proper post today. We can't all just blog about the Volvo Ocean Race thing, Toni.

Today's even colder for me because I got my hair cut this afternoon..well it was either that or the wind resistance from the mop I recently had would've lifted me off my feet and deposited me in Howth harbour.

So..I'll be back with relevant stuff to say on Monday..I'm going to keep on the two America-related topics below, and I might wander back to conjecture about 2008 Presidential Nominations.
Speaking of which..I was very wrong about Bush nominating that Hispanic lad...whatshisname... Gonzales!! That's the one. Yeah I thought he would have tried to stick "Torture Timmy" on the Supreme Court but instead he went and picked another minority candidate...the white male! Pretty sure hearing haven't started yet anyway.. I'll cover them when they do. My two principle sources on all matters American, Newshounds and The Daily Show, haven't mentioned it anyway!

Well enough waffle for now! Have a good day and a good weekend and I will catch you on the flipside.

Fergal

Ranting On!

2005-11-24T05:50:00.000-08:00

Thanks very, very much to Robin at Geared Up for recording this for me.
Yes, that's me....listen here if you're interested!

News Talk 106 again!

2005-11-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

Hi to any and all who came on here in respones to my appearance on NewsTalk this afternoon. A big thanks to Damien Kiberd for having me on, and to Kyla from their research team for inviting me to do it!!!
www.newstalk106.ie you can listen online and it has the most downloaded podcasts in Ireland. Maybe too much news at the half-hour, but they read txts out like there's no tomorrow so if you txt in you're guaranteed a mention almost.
00+353(0)866000106
Have a good look-see here and there.
All comments are welcome.

Fergal

Rabbitte No Confidence Vote

2005-11-24T03:46:00.000-08:00

Oh I hope it passes!

Or at least force him to resign..

I only heard this a few minutes ago. Wish I 'd seen it.. Apparently The Ceann Comahairle, Rory O'Hanlon, (Speaker of the House in the Irish lower house of parliament) ruled Pat Rabbbitte's (Labour) attempts to raise the issue of the winter fuel allowance "inadmissable" on the Order of Business.

Mr. Rabbitte replied by saying that he is inviting a motion of no confidence upon himself. This is the same Rabbitte who said the Ceann Comhairle was "congenitally incapable of fairness" a fair while back.
I've seen the man in action. He really is incapable of fairness. Partly because he is a FF TD, unlike his predecessor from '97-'02 who was from the Labour Party.

He does really need to go. He has been protecting the Government from proper questioning for 3 years now. I hope this isn't all hot air from the oppostion. Table the motion or have the Government shaft him and get him replaced.

Extraordinary Rendition

2005-11-24T02:49:00.000-08:00

"Extraordinary" is the word!!!

I watched an excellent Dispatches documentary last night on Channel 4 about America's policy of "extraordinary rendition", which is basically snatch and grab operations taking place in other countries in order to acquire people suspected of supporting or taking part in terrorist acts.

The programme made a clear distinction between the Clinton era's method of doing this (when it was dreamed up) and that of the Bush Administration. Before 2000 the special operations would take place with the knowledge and co-operation of the country in question, with the local police or security forces making the arrests themselves and then handing the suspects over to the Americans.

Then Bush came to power. And now the renditions are madewithout the knowledge of the country in which the operation takes place..to the extent that local anti-terrorist stings are being affected and prevented.
The best case of this was in Milan in 2003, where Americans kidnapped Muslim cleric Abu Omar from under the noses of Italian intelliegence agents, who were keeping an eye on him. He was then flown out of the country to parts unknown.

Let me be abundantly clear on this....the practice of extraordinary rendition without the permission and knowledge of the Government of the country in question is a violation of national sovereignty. And therefore is illegal.
Now I know that there's one rule for the Americans and one for the rest of the world..but the brazen arrogance of the current administration rarely fails to leave me speechless.

Of course it gets worse..

The Americans aren't actually allowed torture their suspects per se. Now they're been trying to find loopholes in their various traty and legal requirements for years now, to the extent that they are actually allowed threaten prisoners with death and subject them procedures that are certainly "cruel and unusual" and would fall within my understanding of what constitutes torture. But to really get the job done, they outsource the work to various client states in the Mid-East, like Egypt.
Seeing as the Egyptians aren't exactly frontrunners in a league of the most democratic nations.. they can do pretty much what they want over there. Some of the things I heard mentioned on Dispatches last night were too gruesome to print here.

This morning I wrote to both the Taoiseach and leader of the Opposition here in Ireland to request meetings with them on the subject, and I will continue to pested the two of them until I get what I want in this regard.
There has been a CIA-owned jet landing at Shannon airport for years now which has been linked with the illegal transportation of the "suspects". Our erstwhile government has said repeatedly that they will not heed the will of the parliamentary oppostion and do searches of US planes landing there because they trust the Americans not to do anything like that.

In other words, as I've said before, we are America's Bitch.
It's got to stop, we've got to do our part as a member of the United Nations and signatory to the UN Convention Against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment, I'm pretty sure we have an obligation to prevent these renditions occuring. And surely, if we suspect that there are planes using Irish air facilities that may contian illegally kidnapped people who may be sent to black facilities to be tortured we have an obligation as a proper country to stand up for their rights and make sure that the rumours are untrue.

The programme also covered the participation of the British Government and security apparatus in the renditions of British citizens..and that was appalling, that they would put their alliance with America above their duty to UK subjects. But to be honest, it's a matter for the British to come to terms with and it is not really my place to comment. Other than to say that, if it is true, then it is a sick and perverse policy and I look forward to seeing them in the dock at the International Criminal Court.

America has, since 2001, abdicated its position as leader of the "free world" and as the foremost democracy on the planet. They have resorted to the most underhand, illegal, unconstitutional and depraved acts of abduction, imprisonment, murder and torture-all to achieve very shady goals.
You don't throw away your liberties to fight people to protect your liberties. It doesn't make sense.
Wake up Congress. Take control and impeach the lot of them.

If only....

Bushwhacked and Goldsmited

2005-11-23T11:10:00.000-08:00

Well the indictments just keep piling up, don' they??

In the last week we've heard that US forces are commiting war crimes by using white phospherous as an anti-personnel weapon, that close to 100 prisoners were found in an awful condition in the basement of the Iraqi Interior Ministry and that the White House was lobbying to have the CIA excluded from a Congressional ban on US Government employees using torture anywhere in the world (it'll pass, I reckon, Presidential vetoes can be over-ridden with ease if Congress is determined).

It gets worse.

Before the war started, Bush apparently wanted to bomb Al Jazeera HQ in Qatar. For those of you unaware, Al Jazeera is an Arab 24hr news agency broadcasting from relatively free-speech Qatar, and has tended to get up the nose of the Yanks with its footage of bomb victims and (perhaps rightly) it's constant screening of videos of suicide bombers and Bin Laden, which admittedly gives many terrorist organisations the publicity they require to exist and prosper.

However, the station is well regarded by many news agencies and journalists in the West, who see it as a creeping threat to their own ratings, especially when their proposed English version kicks off next year.

But that shouldn't even be the issue. The fact is that President Bush wanted to murder innocent civilians in the territory of a US ally for completely non-military aims.

Had he gone ahead with that, it would be an immediate case for impeachement and removal from office. However he was dissuaded from it by Tony Blair (thankfully).
Of course the US military has had somewhat of a knack for bombing journalists and news organisations. They've bombed television stations as a matter of course (Serbian TV in '98, and Al Jazeera HQs in Afghanistan in '01 and Baghdad in '03) and attacked the Hotel Palestine during the liberation of Baghdad, despite it being universally known that it was the centre of operations and accomodation for the Western press corps. And then there was the convoy that in which BBC journalist John Simpson was travelling in Northern Iraq in '03, which came under fighter attack despite most of the vehicles having "PRESS" written on their roofs.

I suppose the glorious difference between all that and the current debacles, as reported by Britain's Daily Mirror, is that there appears to be a paper trail..
Yesterday, the Mirror reported (in giant letters on its front pages...) the news that Bush planned to bomb Al Jazeera in Qatar, claiming to have seen a Top Secret British document in relation to this.
Today they are being prevented from publishing further news about it by the UK Attorney General, Lord Goldsmith, who was also the man who was apparently made change his mind and say that the Iraq war was legal when seemingly believing that not to be the case.
He's quoting the Official Secrets Act and saying that the document containts state secrets.

I'm looking forward to seeing Bush's response to this when asked by US journalists (they'll cop it eventually). He can't really lie on this because if/when the bar is lifted on this document being released it'll be pretty clear what his intentions were.
And if he lies, he can be impeached-as we saw with poor Mr. Clinton.

I pray the US media and the Democrats grow some balls in relation to this, I truly do. This sorry house of cards has to be pulled down and Bush really has to go. Or at least have to fire Cheney, who has certainly commited "gross crimes and misdemeanours" (The US Constitution's defintion of what qualifies impeachment) through his manifold lies about the war.

Cheers to Newstalk

2005-11-23T04:50:00.000-08:00

Cheers to Newstalk for the plug there a few minutes ago!!!!

Those of you from abroad (and home actually)... www.newstalk106.ie is a 24hr news radio station in Ireland. Very good, at that.

Ahem..

2005-11-23T04:39:00.000-08:00

Irish blogs seem to be ignoring my updates....
I am still here!!!

Millenium!

2005-11-22T02:29:00.000-08:00

Took bloody long enough!

Finally I have passed the 1,000 hits barrier! Hooray!!

Thanks to Robin and Neil, the only two people that I know read this with any regularity. And also to the anonymous Americans who keep googling "Seperation of Church and State" and getting my blog!

I'll be starting on another topic tomorrow..please keep reading, otherwise this is beyond pointless!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alcohol A-Z: W,X,Y+Z

2005-11-22T02:16:00.000-08:00

W: Weekends

A magical time with less/no early mornings for a whole two days each week! Weekends are a wonderful chance to do even less than you did during the week. They are also a wonderful chance to go drinking.

So let your hair down (metaphorically, Eoin, I know that physically can’t happen) and party hearty.

X: Xylophone

“X” is always for “Xylophone”

Y: You

You are special, yes you really are, you're the only one like you. The world is better just because you're here, no-one can do the things you do...

Sorry...went off on a little Barney the Dinosaur tangent!

Try not to forget your name when you're out for drinks, or out for the count...
This all falls under the general theme of getting so dangerously drunk that you pass out/die of alcohol poisoning etc...

Like they say in those child safety booklets we read in primary school, Stay Safe!

Z: Zzzzzzz

Nothing like drink to aid a restful sleep. Unless you have to get up early the next day. Then it is HELL.
And the amazing thing is that you can sleep anywhere. Comfort ceases to be an issue. What a wonderful way to live, eh??

Welcome to the big bad world of “alcomahol”, Owzie. I hope this guide will be a…guide (I’m tired) for you.Actually I would be very worried if you followed any of the advice in here!

Alcohol A+Z: T,U+V

2005-11-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

T: Three-in-One

Manna from heaven.

Joy is the absolute king of the three-in-one. If you go drinking with us with any regularity (esp. with Niall), you will find yourself in a Chinese, getting one of these babies (not real babies. The Chinese aren’t that bad. Allegedly.)

Rice, chips and curry sauce. Basically all the soakage you need to absorb several pints.

So good. So very good. Oh man, I’d kill for one right now.

U: Underage Drinking

Not really a problem for you now, or ever really. But I couldn’t think of a single thing beginning with “U” other than that…
So there you go! That’s “U”, I guess.
Moving on…

V: Venereal Diseases

Pub toilets are officially the dirtiest places on Earth. Whether they’re in the Cock Tavern, where people do lines of coke off the cisterns, or in the Waterside, where the air conditioning blows the smell of the toilets across the whole bar, they’re nasty places to be.

I’m not recommending you wear a huge nappy, but it’d be better to put Pampers to the ultimate test than to catch Syphilis or something off a toilet seat.

That or use the disabled toilets. You beat the queues and the chances of contracting gonorreah.
Win, win. Except for the cripples. But they can fuck off and die anyway. Sorry if that seems a little harsh, but they always get the cushy ones. And they never have to stand on the DART…

We didn't start the tine

2005-11-17T03:10:00.000-08:00

Ah the immeasurable comic genius of J.L Pagano (Ah Sure Ya Know Yourself in my blog links).

For those of you who know the song "We didn't start the fire" by Billy Joel, this is a very good tribute/rip.

See it here

Alcohol A-Z: R+S

2005-11-17T03:01:00.000-08:00

R: Returning Home

So if you go to town, and God willing someday you might, you’re going to need some way of getting home at night.

You could:

Get the normal bus
Get a lift
Walk
Get a taxi
Get a nitelink

There are probably other methods too.

Now the normal bus is by far the cheapest, next to walking-which is free.. But the last one leaves by about 11:30 which is a little early if you’re out on a good night. Next up is a lift. Probably free and theoretically at any time you want. But the chances of getting a lift home from town at about midnight are slim to none and if they exist at all, will probably be courtesy of a parent. Which would not be the best car journey if you’ve had one too many to drink.

Taxis are the most convenient, going from door to door as they do. But they also cost a lot. And generally not worth it if you live along the nitelink line. Only really economically viable you are the first stop on the taxi route and can get out of paying your fair share of the final cost.

Leaving the Nitelink as the only other option. Cheap, frequent (on weekends) and quick enough if the driver’s in a hurry, these babies are a godsend if you live near a bus stop that it will be passing. The disadvantage to the nitelink is that it feels like it takes forever to get home, buses in motion are bad for drunks (they’re not called “vomit comets” for nothing) and now that some of the 31Ns take in most of the northside and go to Howth via the Ring of Kerry, it can take up to an hour to actually get from town.

But at a fifth the price of a taxi, it can be really really worth it.
Though I suppose you could jog it. I’m surprised Robin hasn’t yet.

S: Spirits

I sort of covered this in my ranting about bitch drinks earlier.

Sprits are drinks with a considerably higher percentage of alcohol in them than beer. Like loads more. Average pint has maybe 4.5% alcohol by volume. Compare that to c.40% for vodka, c.50% for whiskeys and somewhere around 80% for proper absinthe.
So to say the stuff is deadly is an understatement.

The key is not to drink that much of it. A pint of vodka would kill you. Especially you. That’s why girls mix them with other drinks like Coke and orange juice to dilute them. That’s a smart move and lowers the percentage of alcohol in the overall drink from about 40% to maybe 8 or 9%.

Or you could just dink the spirits straight. That can be done by doing shots (a specified measure) or by walking around like a wino, with your hand clutching the bottleneck, taking sips every so often.
The first option is the better of the two.

In general, spirits are to be avoided. They’re small but mighty, like burly Chinese people. One of the reasons we leave spirits to girls is that most guys aren’t fucking stupid enough to make drinking them a habit.

Alcohol A-Z: P+Q

2005-11-16T03:11:00.000-08:00

P: Passport

There are two places you need a passport in Ireland. In the airport and in the pub or nightclub. You will use your passport for these abundantly non-travel uses more than for its proper purpose.
Strange but true.

Make sure you have a passport, make sure you actually look like the photo in it and try and make sure it’s yours. If possible.
Even better, get a Garda I.D card. Or someone else’s Garda I.D card. Same rules as above apply.

Other sometimes-acceptable forms of identification include college I.Ds. Letters from mummy are not valid.

Q: Queasiness

Yeah, it’s going to happen. At some stage you are going to feel a teensy bit ill from all the drink. And it follows that at some stage you are going to get sick from all the drink.

Sorry, that’s just the way it goes.

There are two ways to prevent this from happening. Or at least to try and prevent it. The first is to “line” your stomach with milk before you go out. This actually works, apparently. The other method is not to drink. But that’s not an option.

Eh…not much I can give you in the way of advice. Basically, don’t drink too much too fast. And if you start too feel sick then stop immediately as you are walking the thin line between getting sick and staying…dry.

And it’s over quick. It happens all at once but in less than a minute it’s generally all over. Like a bomb blast.

Alcohol A-Z: N+O

2005-11-15T03:18:00.000-08:00

N: Nightclubs

Now that you’re drinking, you will shortly find yourself in these big, loud, crowded party zones.

Nightclubs are a convenient social forum for people of all ages to get together and try and score one another.
They’re also handy if you want to deal drugs.

Dublin is blessed with dozens of these fine establishments, ranging from the exclusive Lilly’s Bordello to the shitastic K2, which also serves-or once served-as an extra-curricular hangout for Santa Sabina students.

A few things you need to know, before you enter these weird and wonderful places.

Firstly, bouncers are everywhere. And bounders are dicks. Big dicks in black bomber jackets.
Bouncers are there ostensibly to stop riff-raff and drunks from getting into the club. However if you go to a Dublin nightclub you’ll see that (a) 50% of the people there are either knackers or English hen parties (same thing) or (b) are locked. In fact, nightclubs have bars in them so why drunks are allowed to get drunk inside but not outside beforehand is a little bit of a mystery. Presumably so the club can shaft customers with high prices.

Bouncers have given themselves some other roles, though. Their main one is to hassle anyone who tries to get in. Firstly by checking passports in greater detail than US Immigration. And also, like US Immigration, by asking you where you’ve come from.
Smart-ass answers will not be tolerated. “Home” is generally the easiest answer to avoid trouble.

Another job they’ve appointed themselves to is to bar as many guys as they can get away with, while letting girls in with comparatively little hassle. The bastards.

Nightclubs are scarily expensive. You pay to get in, you pay to store your jacket and then you pay through the roof for a badly poured pint pulled by a bored uncaring bar-worker who is probably deaf anyway, making your complaints useless.

Actually, here’s the thing.

Nightclubs are the one place-next to crazy house parties-where you can drop the “beer only” rule. Pints just aren’t a good idea in a packed club with little or no sitting room. So hit the spirits, down some shots and remember that you won’t recall any of this the next day.

And try not to get stabbed. Drink + Scumbags + Close proximity to civilised humans = fights.

O: Obesity

See Guinness.

Alcohol A-Z: L+M

2005-11-14T05:01:00.000-08:00

L: Lager

Or beer…(“B” was taken)

Beer is the shit.

I’m telling you that right now. You can go off and become some faggotty little vodka and coke drinker if you want, but you also better schedule a sex change because beer is for men and spirits are for women. It’s the law of the jungle and the people who cross that line are called “queers”.

So tough shit, you’ll drink beer and you’ll like it.

In actual fact, beer is quite nice. The first thing you’ll want to do is find one that suits you, or at least one that you can keep down long enough to make it to the bathroom before puking up your ring.

From personal experience, I recommend a light American brand. One that’s not quite water, but is close enough. Now Budweiser is piss and is suitable only for knackers, rednecks and the mentally retarded. Miller is a nice easy-to-drink beer, and will set you up to migrate to a proper one later on.

When you’re finally ready for a proper beer, again I’m going to recommend a personal favourite. Heineken (and you’re going to drink that Heineken or I’ll sodomise you with the bottlenecks) is the way to go. Or Weibbeer if they have it on tap, but they won’t.

And a word of warning, don’t buy half-pints or “glasses”. It looks pretty gay. If you absolutely have to buy it, pour it into a pint glass. It’s for your own safety.

Beer, it’s tasty, refreshing and cold. And still pretty much the preserve of men, seeing as women generally can’t drink that much fluid in one sitting (and I mean nothing else by way of innuendo there).

M: Magners

Again, “B” was taken.

Magners is the Northern name for “Bulmers”.
Bulmers is the Southern term for “Bulmers”.

And in much the same way as Southern Ireland is the proper Ireland, Bulmers is the proper name for the drink.

Another proper name is piss.

Bulmers is horrible, like most cider. Don’t drink cider. It’s better than bitch drinks but only in the same way that HIV is better than AIDS.
It looks and tastes like Cidona, only not as nice.

Why people just don’t drink spiked Cidona is a mystery to me. Maybe that’s what it is.

Actually I have had some nice cider once, but it was a year and a half ago and I was drunk, so it may not have happened.

Alcohol A-Z: J+K

2005-11-11T05:35:00.000-08:00

J: “Joy”

Not “joy” the emotion but “Joy” the takeaway. And all the other takeaways in Howth for that matter.
Now here’s the thing. After consuming litres of beer, you might end up with a slight desire for something solid to soak it up. So you stagger out the door of the Bloody Stream and up onto the street. One of the first things you see is a takeaway. Selling hot tasty goodness for a pretty decent price.
And you might try and avoid it, because of the incredible crappiness of the food in question. So you wobble past and on up the road. If you go along the harbour front, you come to…another takeaway! Café Caira, which sells the nicest burgers north of Roundwood. At this stage your resolve will melt away and you will barrel through the door, screaming at the top of your lungs for a quarter pounder with cheese, chips, a battered sausage, some fried chicken and a can of Fanta.

That’s if you decide to go that way.

If you go up by the Garda Station, you’ll run into Joy. Same deal.

Impressionable drunks cannot resist two takeaways in a row, especially if they’re hungry. It’s scientific fact. You can try and defy the natural order of things, but it’s not worth it. Just give in and take out.

K: Krugers

Krugers is both the comfiest and emptiest pub in Howth and is our local. Well it’s Robin’s and mine, seeing as we can both crawl home from it.

Believe me, when it’s 3°C outside and the rain’s lashing down, there’s nowhere nicer to be than in the big armchairs in the “War Room” with a fire blazing beside you (in the fireplace..).

Krugers also have one of the cheapest prices for a pint in the area, at 4 euro. And if you like U2 it’s the place to be, because they play their albums over and over again.
Admittedly service is a little hard to come by, sort of like searching for the Holy Grail. But once a month a member of staff will pause at the bar long enough for you to place an order, if you’re there on time and hold eye contact.
Comfy, cosy, quiet and cheap (relative to most other Howth pubs), Krugers is the place to go for a quiet pint and a conversation. We’ve probably had more leader meetings there than anywhere else.

Alcohol A-Z: H+I

2005-11-10T02:11:00.000-08:00

H: Hangover

You would think that with all the benefits and joys of alcohol, there would be no downside. But unfortunately, you would be wrong.

Hangovers are God’s way of punishing you for drinking. No-one knows just why He exacts revenge on people who do something as holy and wonderful as consume alcohol but hey, God moves in mysterious ways.
Chances are you won’t get hangovers any time soon. Ask older people what they’re like. Or girls. The fairer sex are more prone to them than we are, it seems.

It’s probably not worth going into hangovers in any detail. They’re not nice.

I: Impotence

Can you believe it? God’s a sadistic fucker, isn’t He? Not only will you eventually get hangovers from drinking, and run the risk of becoming an alcoholic, but you could also become impotent if you drink too much…!

Best not to think about it. It’ll be alright on the night.

Alcohol A-Z: F+G

2005-11-09T04:55:00.000-08:00

F: “Female Drinks”

I was going to entitle this “Bitch Drinks” but “B” was taken.

You might find yourself wondering at some stage, what the strange drinks your female companions are drinking are made of. Some of them look like Coke. Some of them taste overwhelmingly of Coke. And some taste nothing like alcohol and come in a profusion of colours so garish that you might get a seizure looking at them.

You see, because girls can’t really drink beer they have to substitute other things in order to get drunk.
One of the most popular of these is a vodka and coke. This generally consists of a shot or two of vodka on the rocks, with a dash of coke to add colour and mask the smell. Girls then knock these back and order more and more and more, until they become giddy, violent, locked or unconscious.
Vodka’s a killer, if you’re gonna drink it (you woman), then don’t mix with beer.

The archetypal bitch drinks are shite like Bacardi Breezers and WKD. This stuff is comprised of colourings, flavourings, water and a dash of alcohol-if you’re lucky. Girls like them because of the pretty colours. It reminds them of My Little Pony.

I have to stress, if you want a soft drink, order one. If you want a proper drink, order beer. These horrible little cross-dressers of the alcohol world fall somewhere in between. As will you if you drink them.

G: Guinness

If you look in the dictionary, you’ll find “Guinness” next to the entry “Acquired Taste”. It takes a while to get used to drinking tar, but it’s a nice drink, and grows on you surprisingly quickly.

One of the downsides of Guinness is that you too will grow surprisingly quickly. I don’t really know what’s in it, but if you make drinking the black stuff a habit, you’ll inflate like a balloon.
The other downside of Guinness….well I won’t go into it here, but it destroys your insides and it’s not a pleasant experience when it completes its journey through you.

Not at all.

Guinness is of course the national drink, and is the most famous export from this island. So you might think it’s your patriotic duty to drink it. But I’d advise against that, as you will turn into a human bowling ball with a pathological fear of going to the toilet.A pint or two here and there is no harm though.

Grimm Business

2005-11-08T04:53:00.000-08:00

Brother's Grimm is not merely bad, or painfully bad.

It is possibly the most horribly atrocious waste of film in the history of motion pictures.

Jesus, it is woeful.

The plot centres (occassionally) around the adventures of the Grimm brothers, whose names I didn't bother to remember. They criss-cross early 19th century Germany saving towns and villages from local supernatural beasties.
But are actually con men, cashing in on local ignorance, fears and suspicions.

They run into trouble when the local French occupation force catch them. Lead by General Someone-or-other (played by the Keira Knightley's dad from "Pirates of the Carribean" who was the bad guy in "The Day after Tomorrow"). Incidentally he has the hammiest French accent that I have ever heard. Under the supervision of some Italian mercenary, they are dispatched to Margarden, or Margaret or some similarily sounding hovel in the Black Forest to put an end to the mysterious dissapearance of the local children.

I'm going to digress here. The bastard who plays the Italian should be killed. I am issuing a blog fatwa against him. The accent is....terrible, the acting is...eye goughingly bad.... He is, in short, the worst character and actor that I have ever seen in my entire life.

So along with the Italian, who I will call "Atrochio" because I can't remember the actual name, they go to...Margate...and try and stop the kids being kidnapped by the mysterious person in the wood.

To cut a long (too long) story short, it turns out that there really are magical creatures etc in the world. And they have to battle them.

Fucking awful.

Brothers Grimm sucks like a vacuum cleaner sucking Coke out of a 2 litre bottle with a tiny straw.
Yeah, that bad.

The acting is abysmal, the plot is fucked up, the characters aren't even one-dimensional.
The ending makes no sense, it's needlessly graphic (if you don't like murderous horses and exploding kittens, I recommend against seeing it), and you leave the cinema with the feeling that you will never get that 2hrs back.

In short, Brothers Grimm is a crime against humanity. Avoid like the plague

Alcohol A-Z: D+E

2005-11-08T03:35:00.000-08:00

D: Dancing

You’d be surprised by how amenable you’ll get to dancing when you get really locked. Drunken Dancing is a sight to behold, and even more fun to partake in.

Now, I know you’re not the most willing to dance, at least in places other than concerts and the summit of Mt. Brandon, but your inhibitions will just fall away when your bleary, drink filled eyes spot the dance floor and you haul yourself towards it, spinning and twirling like a helicopter in trouble.

Drink Dancing is both fun and harmless, unless you hit someone or stand on their toes while doing a rendition of Riverdance with Stephen Weldon at a Santa Sabina debs in Meath. Okay, that was just me, but it’s advice to live by really.

E: Emergency Room/Excess Drinking

Hopefully you’ll never see the inside of this place, and I mean that in a general sense, not just drink related. But if you get dangerously drunk one night (tonight), you might be there quicker than you think.

E.Rs have a whole range of nifty machines to try and stop you…dying from alcohol poisoning. Machines like “stomach pumps” and “nurses”. Stomach pumps are like big vacuum cleaners that get inserted into your stomach. Sort of like a futuristic weight loss programme. Nurses are like doctors, only without the money and respect. Some of them come from the Philippines. Some of them do not. Certain hospitals will reward you if you can spot which are which. Sort of like that “one of these things is not like the other” bit on Sesame Street.

Anyway, try not to drink in excess. Or else you’ll end up like our Belgian navy pal Wouter, who drank too much Pernot one night and had to be hospitalised. And he died, Eoin.
Or maybe he didn’t. I lost interest, to be honest.

Alcohol A-Z:C

2005-11-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

C: Cost

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but drinking costs and arm and a leg. Vintners are agents of the devil and their aim is to bankrupt poor students everywhere with the outrageous price of a pint.

So you’ll want to beg, borrow or steal from your parents, become a rent-boy or get some sort of job in order to finance your drinking pleasure. Now becoming a rent-boy is a good job and pays well. But it’s mostly night work and is a real pain in the ass.
I recommend options A or C. Working is generally more rewarding than begging off parents, and you get more cash too. Unless your parents are loaded. In which case you are a lucky bastard and I want some money, please.

Now a handy way to circumvent the high price of drinking is to do it at home. Off Licenses sell drink at prices much cheaper than the pub, and they sell some really awful beer at rock bottom prices. And then you can go home and have a fun night drinking for less than a tenner. What could be better?

Now, unfortunately most of us have families that get in the way and, while killing them off would be the quick option, you may need to consider alternative methods of having your alcoholic cake and eating it too.

A good way to do that is to expand the notion of being “at home”. By extending “home” to a field or the west pier, you can still have a good cheap night drinking in the comfort of your own house.
Only you’ll be outside.

So that’s cost. Remember, the Irish Vintner’s Association is “The Man”. And you don’t want to get fucked by “The Man” do you?I hope not. For a whole range of reasons.

Alcohol A-Z: B

2005-11-01T03:29:00.000-08:00

B: “Blacks in the jacks” (note: this may just be an Irish thing)

Now, as you begin your drinking in pubs, you’ll notice a strange presence in the toilets.
Known informally as “blacks in the jacks”, these friendly people are employed to try and put as much cologne on you as possible while you wash your hands.
Even if you don’t want any.

You’re then expected to pay.

It’s not fully known why all these poor bastards are black; it could be because they are some sort of urinal worshipping tribe from darkest Africa, who think they’re in Church. Or it could be because no-one else is desperate enough for a job that they would willingly stand in other people’s piss for several hours. Like I said, poor bastards.

Now, they used to be a friendly bunch, always ready to shake your hand (before you went to the toilet-can’t stress that enough) and make some small talk. But recently they’ve become very surly and sarcastic. Because what you want in the toilet is a comedian…

The Bloody Stream (pub in Howth, Co. Dublin) goes through them at some fierce rate, so don’t bother trying to befriend one. I did, and then he moved away forever. It drove a hole right through me and I still haven’t recovered.
The reason they have such a high turnover of Jacks Blacks is that the place floods periodically, drowning the poor guy in a pool of his own toiletries.

Anyway, in summation they used to be cheerful and now they’re not. Probably like 18th century slaves in America.
Ungrateful bastards.

Alcohol A-Z: A

2005-10-18T02:43:00.000-07:00

Em...I did this up for a friend's 18th and I thought that I might put it up here too.
Just to spread my extensively researched knowledge about the traps, perils and insanely wonderful bonuses of alcohol.

So, starting today and running...until whenever I get to Z, here is my re-edited Alcohol A-Z

A: Alcohol

Ah sweet Mother Alcohol. “The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems”.

You’ll discover quite rapidly the manifold wonders of alcohol; how it makes you friendlier, a better dancer, more poetic and generally more fun to be around. There’s always that slight incontinence risk but you’ll sail through that, I’m sure. But if you wake up in a puddle of your own urine, I did warn you.
Apparently the ancient Egyptians invented beer, and they built big pyramids and had mummies and stuff. So it’s got to be cool, right? And monks invented whiskey, so it has divine approval. So you could argue that it’s almost blasphemous not to drink. Jesus! Better drink up fast, you’ve 18 years of catching up to do!!
Well that’s my philosophy. A nice healthy one (not physically), which will have you sucking on bar taps for the last dregs of the keg in no time.

Worth warning you that abusing alcohol can lead to trouble, sort of like abusing children. But in this case the problem is called “alcoholism”. And it’s only a problem if you look at it that way. Alcoholism, I mean. Child abuse is always wrong…..

It’s hard to know whether or not you’re an alcoholic. It can vary from person to person. If, like myself, you get an urge for a drink (or 5) on a Friday after a long week of work-that’s probably normal. Or at least, hopefully normal. But, if like certain people, you drink your way through 3 pints and two shots in the space of an hour and in later life go on to leave various European cities “in ruins” on an inter-railing binge (known colloqially as "students"), you might consider getting that looked into.

Either way, drink up and to hell with the consequences. You’re only young and the chances of developing an addiction are only, what? One in Four? Sure that’s a risk worth taking!

Cloud Update!

2005-10-18T02:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, bet you're excited.

My appeal for interesting cloud pictures has elicited one reply, at last!

Thnk you to Lisa Buckley from Limerick who, despite my telling people she has bubonic cooties, emailed me this over the weekend.

Come on, people! If someone from Stab City was thoughful enough to steal a computer and email me this, surely the rest of you can too?

80s music video

2005-09-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

Oh man, this is bizarre.

Courtesy of the always interesting and frequently surreal ebaumsworld, I bring you a twisted music video, apparently from the Eighties.

I don't know whether or not they are all on one big acid trip, whether it was a second chance for failed members of the Village People, or even whether it was real or not, but it's entertaining and really really weird!

It's "out of sight"....

Delay Demoted!!

2005-09-29T03:53:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo!!!

House Majority Leader Tom Delay has resigned his position after being indicted on charges of "charges of conspiracy in political fundraising" by a Grand Jury in Texas.

Delay is a bulwark of the Christian Right in Congress, frequently pushes for greater religious freedom in schools and courtrooms (seperation of church and state...) and refers to the white christian majority as "people of faith".

Oh I hope he goes down and drags some very senior people with him....

He's specifically charged with soliciting corporate donations, which is illegal-suprisingly-under Texan law.

No doubt Democrats everywhere in America are over the moon at this scandal, though he was known as one of the more corrupt congressmen already.

I look forward to the Daily Show's ecstatic take on things. Will keep an eye on things as the progress.

And the nominee is....

2005-09-29T03:17:00.000-07:00

Speculation time!

Bush has stated that his new nominee to fill Sandra Day O'Connor's place on the Supreme Court will be from an ethnic minority backround.

He has been prevailed upon by Democrats to nominate a moderate, who would be approved without any trouble. This would also roughly keep the status quo of the bench, albeit slightly more republican in outlook on some issues.

George W Bush is the most unlikey president in US history to accede the wishes of the Senate, or the vocal minority therein.

His nominee for the second vacancy is going to be...

Alberto Gonzales.

Yes, the man who think torture is just a bit of fun, sort of like tickling (I exaggerate, obviously) will be the person the White House will try and force through.

Which will drag the court to the right for decades, either repeal Roe v Wade or at least return it to the states as a non-federal matter (which wouldn't be the worst idea) and certainly put an end to the meddlesome interference of the court in the official status of US prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.

Unless the Democrats take leave of their senses, there's going to be a filibuster to prevent his appointment. Which will bring back the animosity of the Tom Bolton hearings, whom Bush had to sneek into ambassadorship in the UN behind the Senate's back this summer!

It ties in with Bush's philosophy on nominations.

He either has to know them well and have been friends with them, or he has to have been responsible for much of their career.

Gonzales became Secretary of State and Texas Supreme Court Justice under Governor Bush, prior to his move to Washington. And Gonzales accompanied as White House counsel, and then Attorney General.

This President does NOT like independent thinkers, he's too wedded to cronyism and patronage.

Watch this space.

America's Bitch

2005-09-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

We are America's bitch, it's true.

Well in fairness we're one of many. Part of the U.S.A's global harem. The "coalition of the internationally sodomised" if you will.

Apologies if you heard about this already, but this is the first time I picked up on this little story, and I'm still a little peeved by what I read.

According to Dan Buckley of the Irish Examiner, the US and Irish Governments signed an agreement back in July that allows tha CIA to conduct interrogations on Irish soil, in complete secrecy.

Ehhh, when was this debated in the Dail?

When did we decide to bend over and let Washington do whatever they want to us? This is an outrageous decision, made by a government so supine when it comes to bilateral talks with the States that it would be impossible for them to acquiesce to anything more.

McDowell, when signing the agreement, said ,"the international community must do everything it can to combat terrorism with every means at its disposal."
And then he re-assumed the position and let the entire Bush Administration ride him raw.

By "every means", I presume he includes the new and improved American attitude to toture, which is that it's okay so long as they do it to other people.
So, not only was our non-existent neutrality compromised by American troop movements through Shannon, but we will now be allowing US secret agents do whatever they want to whoever they want, on Irish soil.

Wonderful.

Of course, there is more to it than that. As America's Bitch our responsibilities to our sugar daddy go much further.

In between the bum fun, McDowell decided that the Irish Government will, at America's request

Track down people in Ireland
Transfer people in custody in Ireland to America.
I would have assumed this was covered by prior extradition treaties, but I believe this is more to do with rounding up suspected international terrorists/prisoners of war/innocent Muslims and getting them to Gitmo, rather than requesting suspects in crimes commited in America.
Carry out searches and siezures on behalf of the US Government.
Hopefully this will be in line with our own Constitutional requirements for warrents, and limits on Garda stop and search powers-as defined in legislation, but I don't know.

Does your ass feel numb yet?

ICCL Director Aisling Reidy sums it up quite succintly.

"To agree to give such powers to a government which has allowed detention of its own citizens without access to a lawyer for over a year, which has legitimised Guantanamo Bay and the interrogation techniques there, without public debate, is an appalling signal of how highly or not the rights of Irish citizens are considered by the minister when engaging in international relations."

The Department of Justice stated that there was debate on the matter but that is in fact a complete lie, as the Dail was on its 3 month break from responsibility through the summer.

That our sovereignty can be undermined in such a way is extremely worrying, not to mention being a chilling example of the realpolitik that occurs when America comes knocking on the door demanding favours.

Science vs. Intelligent Design

2005-09-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

The Scopes case has been dragged back from the dead, as the proponents of Intelligent Design are brought to court by the ACLU to prevent the "crappification" of American high school science.

Crappification is a word of my own invention, but seeing as I described ID as bullshit a few weeks back, I think it fits with my general view of the argument.

Know this case isn't being heard in Shitsville or Lynchburg in the South, it's centering on the little Pennsylvanian town of Dover...so even the blue states are not immune to the creeping hand of southern fundamentalism. Which worries me, quite frankly.

The Irish Times includes a good description of ID in its article on the subject (which is open on the table beside me).

"...certain elements of life such as cell structure are best explained by an intelligent cause."

And many ID supporters will point out that at not stage does the theory mention any god, much less the Christian one.

But in fairness, you are clearly meant to infer from their "science" that there is an otherworldly force (not aliens..) responsible for creation. And I wonder who the average American kid is going to attribute that to.

Allah?
Zeus?
Vishnu?
Flying Spaghetti Monster?

Nooo....I think they might lay responsibility (blame) at the feet of the Christian God.

Which is effectively teaching religion in school. So we can all start ignoring the US Constitution, starting from now.

And of course the debate is hardly going as secularly as some ID proponents would like. It's easier to sell this crap when you insist that it's not creationism-by-another-name.

"Nearly 2,000 years ago, someone died on a cross for us... Shouldn't we have the courage to stand up for Him?"-Dover Area School Board member William Buckingham

Yeah, that's religion.

The trial began yesterday over the board's decision last month that schoolkids should be taught about the flaws in Darwinian theory and the beliefs inherent to Intelligent Design.

Em...will they be givne a chance to explore the holes in ID too?

Such as...the lack of evidence? A lack of science? A lack of any credible support from the scientific community?

I am all for pupils being taught that there are flaws in Evolution Theory, it is only a theory.
But it must be the position of the science teacher and school that Darwinianism is the only nearly universal belief on the creation and advancement of life in the universe-so far.

It must be presented to students as fact, or as close to it as possible.

Otherwise the poor bastards will be turning in term papers on God flitting about the world, designing cell walls and mitochondriae. And it's just not true.

There is a difference between over a century and a half of evidence built up through observation and extrapolation of facts based on experiments carried out in laboratories and the field, and a cobbled together psuedo-science based more on the pages of Genesis than any scientific journal or school of thought.

On a similar note, the Irish Times mentions that there is a Creationist Science Park opening in Kentucky.

Among its many attractions are animatronic dinosaurs that tie in the with the current biblical belief that baby dinos rode in Noah's ark, and that before the Original Sin of Adam and Eve, all creatures-T Rex included-were vegetarian.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

There are few days on which I am more glad than I am right now that I am not an American, and that the school curriculum here is not controlled or challenged by religious orthodoxy. Any school in Ireland that attempted to teach alternatives to Evolution would find itself in boiling hot water with the Department of Education, the public and the pupils' parents.

I am genuinely worried about the real phenomenon of the "dumbing down of America". Most US high school students are woefully ignorant of the outside world.

If ID wins in Pennsylvania, they may become equally ignorant of the natural world.

Republican Ireland dead and gone?

2005-09-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

"The gun of the IRA is finally gone from Irish politics"

Or so Bertie would have us believe.

I'm not so confident.

And I would love to have watched the historic news yesterday with thanks and relief that the largest and most powerful terrorist group in Europe has finally decided to bite the bullet ;-) and give up its life as an armed organisation.

But I have genuine trouble believing that this is the end of things.

First off, the IRA has reinvented itself as a criminal association and is running smuggling, robberies, bank heists and the odd murders with impunity.
Sinn Fein opposition to the PSNI is preventing republican communities from breaking with the notion of the IRA as their security force, and the continued existence of the group means that SF is nowhere near being treated as a genuine political party, and not the offshoot of the larger, shadowy provisional movement.

There is no word of when/if the IRA will disband. And until that day, I will view Gerry and the boys with utter suspicion. I know that there are many in FF (Dermot and Bertie Ahern) who are only itching to hop into bed with the Shinners, and it'll be interesting to see the composition of the next Dail. If Fianna Fail ditch the PDs (who stand little chance of holding or increasing their existing number of seats) and go into coalition with Gerry Adams, then it will be the end of 80 years of democratic politics in Ireland.

Sinn Fein cannot and must not be trusted.

Fine Gael is the only party that continually opposes SF membership of a future government.
Bertie's waffling about the economic and foreign policy difference between his party and SF is nonesense. If they could go into government with Labour every few years, then no doubt they will manage the same with Sinn Fein.

The Irish public must be alerted to the creeping hand of Sinn Fein in southern Irish politics before it is too late.
They have the worst policies of any political party, north and south. They would destroy the country's prosperity and, by the simple virtue of being in government, Ireland's reputation in the international community and the EU.

I vehemently believe that until such time as the IRA (an illegal organisation) is independently declared to have been disbanded, their political wing should be legally barred from standing for election.

I also think that their accounts should be fully checked by the Criminal Assets Bureau, to see exactly where the cash is coming from. They managed to bus hundreds of supporters down from the north for a march in Dublin on Saturday...where'd the cash for that come from??

For the sake of peace in politics, the rest of the Republic's political parties could open their accounts for the same scrutiny.

The media need to take a different tune too.

The tabloids and "broadhseet" Independent have taken a dangerously pro-SF position since 1998, and this must change.
Gerry Adams is not a modern day saint, he is an ex-terrorist and has blood on his hand. That he and his reprehensible party are now sidling in the door of constitutional politics is a worrying development for those of us south of the border, who were quite content to see the usual actors preen and strut across the political stage in Belfast.

"The price of liberty is eternal vigilence."

I wandered lonely as a cloud.

2005-09-23T01:53:00.000-07:00

Morning all. I am far too confused to put up a lucid post right now, so this one is on a lighter topic than Hurricane Rita or the Christian Right.

Was at a Fine Gael Party...party last night, which was fun until they booted us out after an hour and a half when the booze ran out. So we did what any loyal Blueshirt would do; we stormed the Irregular positions!!
FF were down in the Astra Hall here in UCD so a few of us sort of gatecrashed and drank all their whiskey. 3 free doubles, was quite nice.
I won't be "arising to follow Charlie" any time soon, but cheers all the same lads.

Anyway, woke up on campus, which is handy seeing as it narrowed my commute from 1 hour to 5 minutes.

Jesus..what is this post about again?

Oh yeah! Clouds!

Now, there are a few of you out there that I have already pestered to death on this topic, so you might be gritting your teeth right now...but sure you may as well stay for the craic anyway (I think that was the FF attitude last night).

I was online about a month and a bit ago and, for reasons that escape me, I came across this picture of a cloud on Lake Superior in North America.

Isn't that just the most impressive cloud you've ever seen!?
That teeny tiny thing on the horizon? That's a cargo ship! THAT'S how big that cloud is!

Well...I was very impressed. And he was named Fluffy. I don't quite recall why but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Anyway, time passed and Fluffy disappeared from the memories of all but..well all but me. So imagine my delight when I got sent a picture of another interesting cloud!
Actually, please don't try. It would be too depressing.

This is Fluffina.

Isn't she pretty?

Imagine looking up from your house at sunset and seeing that beauty floating there..

Anyway a big thank you to Poppy for sending me the link. And seeing as I pissed her off big time with Fluffy, I am very suprised that she did at all!

Now, onto my plea for the day.

If you have any interesting cloud pictures and would like to share them, let me know and I'll start archiving them.
I don't want clouds the shapes of bunny rabbits of rubbish like that. Just impressive or beautiful clouds like the two above.

Yeah it may be sad.....but....it's sort of endearingly sad I think!

Rita Update

2005-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ha! Like this is a remotely professional post!

But thanks to the people at Hurricane City, I do have a read out of the speed and location of the storm.

445
WTNT33 KNHC 221454
TCPAT3
BULLETIN
HURRICANE RITA ADVISORY NUMBER 20
NWS TPC/NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER MIAMI FL
10 AM CDT THU SEP 22 2005
...RITA EXPECTED TO WEAKEN SLIGHTLY BUT FORECAST TO MAKE LANDFALL AS
A DANGEROUS HURRICANE...
...A HURRICANE WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED...

AT 10 AM CDT...1500Z...A HURRICANE WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED FROM PORT
O'CONNOR TEXAS TO MORGAN CITY LOUISIANA. A HURRICANE WARNING MEANS
THAT HURRICANE CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED WITHIN THE WARNING AREA
WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS. PREPARATIONS TO PROTECT LIFE AND
PROPERTY SHOULD BE RUSHED TO COMPLETION.

AT 10 AM CDT...1500Z...A TROPICAL STORM WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED FROM
SOUTH OF PORT O'CONNOR TO PORT MANSFIELD TEXAS. A TROPICAL STORM
WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FOR THE SOUTHEASTERN COAST OF LOUISIANA
EAST OF MORGAN CITY TO THE MOUTH OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER. A
TROPICAL STORM WARNING MEANS THAT TROPICAL STORM CONDITIONS ARE
EXPECTED WITHIN THE WARNING AREA WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

AT 10 AM CDT...1500Z...A TROPICAL STORM WATCH HAS BEEN ISSUED FROM
NORTH OF THE MOUTH OF THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER TO THE MOUTH OF THE
PEARL RIVER INCLUDING METROPOLITAN NEW ORLEANS AND LAKE
PONTCHARTRAIN. A TROPICAL STORM WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM SOUTH
OF PORT MANSFIELD TO BROWNSVILLE TEXAS...AND FOR THE NORTHEASTERN
COAST OF MEXICO FROM RIO SAN FERNANDO NORTHWARD TO THE RIO GRANDE.

A TROPICAL STORM WATCH MEANS THAT TROPICAL STORM CONDITIONS ARE
POSSIBLE WITHIN THE WATCH AREA...GENERALLY WITHIN 36 HOURS.

FOR STORM INFORMATION SPECIFIC TO YOUR AREA...INCLUDING POSSIBLE
INLAND WATCHES AND WARNINGS...PLEASE MONITOR PRODUCTS ISSUED
BY YOUR LOCAL WEATHER OFFICE.

AT 10 AM CDT...1500Z...THE EYE OF HURRICANE RITA WAS LOCATED NEAR
LATITUDE 25.4 NORTH...LONGITUDE 88.7 WEST OR ABOUT 460 MILES...740
KM...SOUTHEAST OF GALVESTON TEXAS AND ABOUT 445 MILES...715 KM...
SOUTHEAST OF PORT ARTHUR TEXAS.

RITA IS MOVING TOWARD THE WEST-NORTHWEST NEAR 9 MPH...15 KM/HR. A
GRADUAL TURN TO THE NORTHWEST IS EXPECTED DURING THE NEXT 24 TO 36
HOURS.

MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS HAVE DECREASED TO NEAR 165 MPH...270
KM/HR... WITH HIGHER GUSTS. RITA IS A CATEGORY FIVE HURRICANE ON
THE SAFFIR-SIMPSON SCALE. SOME SLIGHT WEAKENING IS FORECAST DURING
THE NEXT 24 HOURS BUT RITA IS EXPECTED TO REMAIN AN EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS HURRICANE.

HURRICANE FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP TO 85 MILES...140 KM...
FROM THE CENTER...AND TROPICAL STORM FORCE WINDS EXTEND OUTWARD UP
TO 185 MILES...295 KM.

ESTIMATED MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE IS 907 MB...26.78 INCHES.
COASTAL STORM SURGE FLOODING OF 15 TO 20 FEET ABOVE NORMAL TIDE
LEVELS...ALONG WITH LARGE AND DANGEROUS BATTERING WAVES...CAN BE
EXPECTED NEAR AND TO THE RIGHT OF WHERE THE CENTER MAKES LANDFALL.
TIDES ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING ABOUT 1 FOOT ABOVE NORMAL ALONG THE
MISSISSIPPI AND LOUISIANA COASTS IN THE AREAS AFFECTED BY KATRINA.
TIDES IN THOSE AREAS WILL INCREASE UP TO 3 TO 4 FEET AND BE
ACCOMPANIED BY LARGE WAVES...AND RESIDENTS THERE COULD EXPERIENCE
SOME COASTAL FLOODING.

RAINFALL ACCUMULATIONS OF 8 TO 12 INCHES WITH ISOLATED MAXIMUM 15
INCH TOTAL ARE POSSIBLE ALONG THE PATH OF RITA PARTICULARLY OVER
SOUTHEAST TEXAS AND WESTERN LOUISIANA. IN ADDITION...RAINFALL
AMOUNTS OF 3 TO 5 INCHES ARE POSSIBLE OVER SOUTHEASTERN LOUISIANA
INCLUDING NEW ORLEANS. BASED ON THE FORECAST TRACK...RAINFALL
TOTALS IN EXCESS OF 25 INCHES ARE POSSIBLE AFTER RITA MOVES INLAND.
REPEATING THE 10 AM CDT POSITION...25.4 N... 88.7 W. MOVEMENT
TOWARD...WEST-NORTHWEST NEAR 9 MPH. MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS...165
MPH. MINIMUM CENTRAL PRESSURE... 907 MB.

AN INTERMEDIATE ADVISORY WILL BE ISSUED BY THE NATIONAL HURRICANE
CENTER AT 1 PM CDT FOLLOWED BY THE NEXT COMPLETE ADVISORY AT 4 PM
CDT.

FORECASTER AVILA

$$

Okay...to sum up....at the moment Rita (or her leading edge, I think) is 460 odd miles south of Galveston and there's a tropical storm watch in place from New Orleans to the Rio Grande-from Louisiana to the Mexian border.

Speed is incredibly slow at c.12 mp/h and air pressure is very low at 907mb with a hurricane surge of 20 feet.

And finally, wind speeds have dropped from 170-165 mp/h, so I assume she'll be downgraded once she hits land. However if things stay the way they are, Rita will be the first Category 5 to hit the mainland US since Andrew in 1992.

At the moment she's barreling towards Mexico but is turning slowly NW...

This will be very interesting to watch (from the comfort of Ireland!), as she is predicted to drop 3 inches of rain in New Orleans and Lake Ponchatrain, which the Army Corp of Engineers say is enough to overpower the levees.

So at a wild guess she makes landfall by midnight on Friday?

Christian Exodus..good riddance to bad rubbish

2005-09-22T03:55:00.000-07:00

It's always refreshing to know for sure that you are smarter than someone else.
Even when they have a fancy website.

The men and women of Christian Exodus, which I assume was begun in mental hospitals to give the more religious patients something to do, plan to move en masse to South Carolina and essentially take it over.

Now it's my belief that S Carolina is already run by Bible/Gay bashers, so it seems like the perfect destination for the crazies.

When there they will promote public prayer, public display of the 10 Commandments and the general lynching of every homosexual person they can round up.

The leader of this little cult is a 20 something Californian named Cory Burnell, who has yet to leave the west coast!!!

I just love that! Evidently he's not as thick as some of his followers and is happy to stay in a State less.....fucked up.....than the one he plans to lead (from behind) his people to.

Ah the Christian Right is a funny group, most of whom are mentally challenged in some way. I just hope that Charles Darwin sodomises each and every one of them when they go to heaven.

Follow the giant head to a great satire on the Christian Right and Unintelligent Design.

Beaten up in Hurricane Alley.

2005-09-22T02:15:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm starting to think that the religious fundementalists in the US might have a point. Maybe these hurricanes are being sent by God.

In that case, it is clearly to punish America for being an arrogant, bullying, ignorant fuckwit of a super power over the last 5 years.

No, that's a bit of a generalisation.

It must be to punish George W Bush for being an arrogant, bullying, ignorant fuckwit of a President over the last 5 years.

Yeah...that hits the spot better alright.

I mean why else has there been a multitude of hurricanes being spun like crazy tops across the Carribean towards Florida (where his brother holds sway) and the Gulf Coast, where he reigned like a congenitally retarded monarch for 6 years in the Great State of Texas?

Admittedly God did miss the last time. But Louisiana and Texas are side by side, and I'd like to see how accurately you could place a category 5 storm if you were operating from a secret base on the dark side of the moon!

So this time Texas is bearing the brunt of the hurricane, as Rita charges blindly toward landfall.

This time, possibly because (a) there's less black people, (b) Bush used to be Governor there, (c) Texas is about as red a state as you can get, or (d) he's prefer not to be impeached for incompetence (I think ignoring the second hurricane in a month would be a "crime or misdemeanour"), the President has declared states of emergency in his old stomping ground and in Louisiana, where he's spent nearly as much time this month as he did in Crawford in August.

Smart move by his aides because it means the federal government can move troops and supplies straight into the states affected, without the local chain of commands being followed. Which theoretically means the Army can get to work immediately after this bitch hits. In New Orleans and surrounding swamps they were hindered because there was no state of emergency declared (Bush's failure and his alone) and had to wait for the State Governor to request federal assistance.

It will be interesting to see the response from the defence forces in comparison to the farce after Katrina destroyed much of the Louisiana Gulf Coast.

Obviously there are reasons other than protecting loss of life or livelihood. Texas is the main repository of oil in the lower 48 states and with a barrel currently standing at the outrageous price of $68, no one wants it to go any higher.
OPEC must be collectively orgasming at these prices. Interesting that they haven't opened the taps and flooded the market to drop prices. Possibly because they can't do it anymore due to our having used over 50% of oil stocks in the ground (a theory and not one stated by the producers. Yet).

But I digress. In fairness, it's a little cynical to attribute the preparations for Rita to Bush's private interests. I think the US President (or whoever's running the shop...Cheney and Rove) wants to protect his country's citizens and the economy.
The response to Katrina was a multi-agency clusterfuck in which no one did what they were supposed to do and where the Oval Office was asleep. This time they're wide awake and battening down the hatches.

Also interesting will be how the anti-global warming lobby in the States can explain away the emergence of two Category 5 hurricanes within a month of one another.
Now I'm aware that there is a natural cycle at play in which hurricane periods get more intense and then die away again, but the warmth of the seas is key to the birth of these monsters and it's safe to assume that the warmer the water gets, the more hurricanes we see and the bigger they become.

To finish on a perverse note...I'd love to see Bush's ranch in Crawford demolished by this thing! But chances are it'll be airlifted to safety in Maine or someplace similar.

Knackeragua

2005-09-21T02:18:00.000-07:00

We live in scumbag central, do you know that?

Page three of Irish Times today has an article about the bus crash that hit those two English women last week.

According to gardai, the belongings of one of the pair, who remains in a critical condition in St. James', were stolen within minutes of the accident.

What the holy fuck is wrong with this town?????

That the first reaction of some little untermensch would be to nick the possessions of a crash victim is one of the worst stories I have heard about the ne'er-do-wells who inhabit our fair city.

An Garda say that officers were on the scene "very quickly" to preserve evidence but the bags had already been lifted.
It's sort of a naiive belief of mine that if I happened to be hit by....say.....a bus, that passers by would maybe stop to lend a hand-you know, check that I was still alive etc. Not that they would take the stuff I had with me!!!

This poor woman has had her handbag stolen, with her passport and more than EUR1000 in cash. Also she's lost her suitcase, which apparently had all her possessions in it.

I'd never return to this city if that happened to me.

I'm well aware how healthy our scumbag population is in Dublin, but to do this is a low that I didn't expect.

Blogerrific

2005-09-20T03:56:00.000-07:00

Just onto my 500th hit on my "little corner of cyberspace", as I called it back in March when it kicked off.

It's been a lot of fun so far, and the responses has been invariably positive which means that either I'm doing okay here or the people who don't like it are keeping quiet!

I'll soon be sticking advertising on to generate some revenue, or prostituting my blog as I like to think of it.

I'll try to continue to fufil my mission statement to provide the online community with "Irish and International politics, current affairs and an unrelenting tide of waffle."
And I would love any and all feedback you can provide. Email is in my profile, and I love getting comments.

Thanks to everyone who visits and especially to the repeat visitors.

You are the wind beneath my wings.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

2005-09-20T03:41:00.000-07:00

I mentioned the debate about Intelligent Design in an earlier post (here) a while back.

Well someone has gone and outdone anything I could possibly say on the subject.

Displaying a grasp of wit and satire rarely on show in America, Bobby Henderson created the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in an open letter to the Kansas School Board, who are considering giving Unintelligent design an equal footing in the classroom as...science.

www.venganza.org

Check it out, the site and pics are hilarious!

Back to the Future with Stupid Air

2005-09-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

I had fun with this post.

Has anyone seen NASA's brave new plan for the future of space travel?

It involves heavy lift rockets blasting off from Earth carrying a lunar lander.

These departure stages are jettisioned in space and a Crew Exploration Vehicle (CEV) and lunar lander, linked together, head for the Moon.

Once there, they enter the lander and explore the surface of the satellite. Once their stay is up they leave the surface and rejoin the CEV, which eventually makes it back to Earth and parachutes down somewhere on the globe.

Just to add to any sense of deja vu that you might be having, here's a pic of the CEV, courtesy of the BBC.

Em......hang on.....

Is it just me or have NASA sort of copied a design from 40 years ago?

Congratulations to the brains in Heuston! Your replacement for the shuttle is the Apollo spacecraft!!!

Why re-invent the wheel when you can go back to using log rollers?

For $168 billion (more than twice our annual budget) I would have liked to have thought that they would have come up with something....new. That, rather than rifle through some old blueprints, they might have actually designed a modern one.

Dr. Mike Griffin, NASA administrator, has called it, "very Apollo-like, with updated technology. Think of it as Apollo on steroids."

Oh, well that's just revolutionary!

First of all they basically vacuum packed a 747 and called it a space shuttle and now they're actually boasting that their "new" craft is essentially an updated version of a giant 40 year old traffic cone.

It's also going to use shuttle technology, to save on costs.
So expect an explosion in the near future.

In keeping with the bold new world espoused by NASA, let me share with you some of my own revolutionary design plans (patent pending).

Super Technical Ultra Progessive Intelligent Design Aircraft (STUPID Air)

In order to cut costs I've harked back to the early days of air travel, when engines were more sort of wishful thinking than an actual part of the design.

Stupid Air operates by using a large latex "Helium Activated Height Accelerator" or HAHA. This works by filling the Haha with helium, which rises, pulling the rest of the craft with it.

Beneath the Haha is the Crew Residence and Payload (CRAP) which is constructed out of a basket made of state of the art Wickertec-both affordable and re-usable. This holds the crew and whatever they bring with them. Also in the Crap are the Ballast Ordering Logisitical Leaving Originator and Critical Kinetic Systems (BOLLOCKS). The Bollocks are crucial to the taking off of Stupid Air and works by arranging several weights around the sides of the Crap. When the Haha is filled with Helium, the Bollocks are dropped and it takes to the air.

Of course I have included a safety feature to prevent premature escalation ;-)

It's called the Rapid Offshooting Prevention Ensurer (ROPE). Comprised of a stong length of thin material, it tethers the entire craft to the ground until such time as the Haha is full and the Bollocks ready to be dropped.

And, if you keep it to yourselves I'll show you a sneak peak of my prototypes.

NASA, if I can do that relatively quickly (the acronyms took a while), surely you can do better too.

So I say HAHA to your plans, which in fairness are CRAP and BOLLOCKS.

Halliburton is Halliback

2005-09-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

I know I said in an earlier post that I wanted to be a DART driver, because they get paid by the carriage nowadays.

But I've changed my mind.

I want to be a corporation.

Not a diseased hulking abberation like Dublin Corpo. No, no I want to be a major American Corporation that supports the Republican Party.

Because then, apparently, the rules don't apply to you.

I say all this because it turns out that in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, President Bush-the man we just all love to hate (or at least be bewildered by)-has gone off and awarded the extremely lucrative contracts for the rebuilding of New Orleans to Halliburton, Bechtel and other big backers of the GOP.

I can't believe it.

Well in fairness, I can. But the audacity of this administration really is gobsmacking.

These are corporations that ran up hundreds of millions of misspent dollars in Iraq, and now they're being handed the contracts for the largest rebuilding project in US history, without an open bid?

The cronyism is staggering.

The politicians aren't in cahoots with big business in America. The politicians are big business in America.

You'd think the Vice President's links to Halliburton would make the whole thing just too unsavoury for the Bush White House to just give them a contract in New Orleans, but no that just doesn't seem to occur.

Not only is this corruption, but it also damages the very nature of the free market that the US so zealously protects around the world. Surely the best corporations for the job should get the contracts, not the ones with the most former employees and executive officers working in the current government?

Ah I don't know. I mean, I 'm not an American so at least I can shrug the whole thing off as not directly affecting me. They're not my taxes.
But I can't believe that the American public isn't outraged about this sort of carry on, and that they're elected representatives aren't berating the hell out of the President for the sorry little back room deal he's conducting while thousands upon thousands suffer in his own country.

Doppelganger!! Sorry...Trippelganger!!

2005-09-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

So it seems that the Germans are in a bit of a bind about who to actually have as their Government.

The Social Democrats (SPD)- led by Gerhard Schroder, Chancellor since 1998, leader of Europe's most populous and wealthy nation, all round kegmeister and Chirac's bum-fun "boy next door"-received a middling 34% of the vote.

The Christian Democrats (CDU)- captained by Angela Merkel, East German doctor of physics, all round brain and Tony Blair's ideological best buddy are currently stuck on 35%, a mighty 3 seats more than the SPD.

And neither side want to budge.

We all now how intransigent the Germans can be once they dig in, don't we??

Both sides claim to be the victors, which is interesting when you consider that neither side were chosen by a majority of the populace. But perception of the finer points of democracy aren't exactly a Germanic trait...

I think, though, that I may have stumbled across something rather important. Sort of like Sandra Bullock's character in "Hackers" or whatever that internet conspiracy film was called.
"Speed" maybe.
I forget.

After careful examination of the evidence, I would like to present my findings to you.

Angela Merkel and Gerhard Schroder are the same person!!!

Not convinced? Not interested (heaven forbid)?

Exhibits B and C, ladies and gentlemen.

Absolute irrefutable proof that the leaders of both parties are actually one individual.

And who is this mastermind, this political genius who has hoodwinked the German People, the international press...basically everyone but me?!

You won't believe this.

Yep. It's Jacques Chirac!

Obviously the French President has secretly been governing both countries for the past 7 years, giddily controlling two of the most powerful nations in the world.

So it doesn't really matter who the Germans voted for over the weekend.

Chirac is the real winner.

I have to go now. UCD is a pretty international place and I don't want to get bumped off by a French secret agent.

I think I just heard a French accent...

Facts and Figures

2005-09-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

Now that I have a semi respectable tally of hits on my little blog, I thought I would take time (and your time) to publish some of the stats.

Don’t fall asleep just yet. I’ll try and make this interesting!

So…first off, my biggest referrers are Robin’s gearedup blog (see sidebar), Irishblogs.ie and MSN.

Actually a lot are coming in off MSN, like lost drivers. 38 misdirected souls so far.
So I was wondering what on Earth was bringing them in.

And the keywords “separation of church and state” are hooking them by the barrel!

So I MSNed the words and lo and behold, there I am! Second in the list! Woo hoo!
I’m indebted to MSN for their shitty search engine, without which I’d be getting significantly less hits.

Keep up the good work there. Don’t ever change.

And loads of the hits are from America and Australia.

Now, as delighted as I am to break out of the parochial little bubble that is Ireland, I’d love to know who they are and what they think of it. So if you’re foreign, please drop me a line or a comment.
Pretty please?

Katrina, and other political storms

2005-09-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

My hasn’t it been an interesting fortnight?

So…. Hurricane Katrina…?

I was glued to my telly the past fortnight, especially when the levees broke and the media coverage became as saturated as the Gulf Coast.

It’s genuinely hard to believe that this could happen to a Western city, especially in the mighty US of A. Although whoever the genius was who decided that a swamp, mostly below water, was a smart place for a town is probably being given some hard stares at the moment in Heaven.

Of course the biggest story is the human tragedy. Even more than in the regularly hurricaned state of Florida, those affected most have been poor, marginalised and black. It reads a lot like the reports of storm damage from Haiti and Cuba that we usually get as a precursor to hurricanes making landfall in the States.

Only this time it was America that was turned into a third world country. Or, at least, appeared to.

And I have to apportion blame at some stage.

It seems that local and state authorities were completely overwhelmed by the scale of the disaster, especially when those levees broke and flooded 80% of the city.

But you’d sort of expect that from Louisiana, wouldn’t you? I mean it’s hardly going to be the most efficient or competent state…

No, federal help should have been waiting in the wings to jump in and take over.

But they weren’t.

And the fault for that can be attributed to the White House.

I know that there are reams of officials and departments between the trouble in the Big Easy and the Oval Office, but the buck stops with Bush. And that’s why he and his aides shouldn’t be fobbing the blame off on everyone else.

It was his government that cut funding from the levees, despite being told that they would be unable to contain a force 4 or 5 hurricane.

It was his government that weighted the Dept of Homeland Security to focus on terrorism almost exclusively, despite being told that a hurricane hitting New Orleans and a California earthquake were of equal threat.

It was he who didn’t send federal troops in immediately, or as soon as possible.

And it was Bush who spent 5 weeks on holiday, as his ratings and grip on reality slipped away slowly under the hot Texan sun.

Any President who goes to San Diego on a party fundraiser the day after one of his nation’s largest cities is hit by a category 4 hurricane is either incompetent, uncaring, or so far removed from public opinion that he doesn’t know what to do.

Or in Bush’s case, all of these things and more.

His press conference on the Wednesday after the disaster was a masterpiece in how not to address a worried country. He mentioned gas, and gas only. It was all about how the supplies of petrol would be re-established asap.
Not much about the suffering and trauma in Louisiana and Mississippi.

Of course, he’s safe. No re-election worries for him.
Just a legacy. A legacy that is rapidly disintegrating.
Ah well, 3 ¼ years to go. Still time for an impeachement.

I wanna take you to the Island....

2005-08-25T03:45:00.000-07:00

Any Paul Brady fans out there (there's more than one, surely?) should get the witty title. Oh how I crack myself up sometimes. Sitting in the empty Daedalus Building in UCD chuckling to myself....

Today's homily, children, is about "The Island", which I went to see last night with friends. It's basically the Matrix, only underground.

And there might be a few plot spoilers in here so if you haven't seen it, read selectively!

The plot is about a man called Lincoln Six Echo, who lives in a self contained community of thousands of people, after an apparent contamination of the surface of the Earth. Lincoln, played by Ewan McGregor-for once having fun while acting) and all his housemates wear identical white jumpsuits, eat identically awful food and have their entire lives organised for them by shadowy computer operators sitting in shadowy behind the scenes rooms.
Like Big Brother, only with attractive people.

Scarlett Johansson plays Jordan Two Delta, one of Lincoln's only friends. And Sean Bean is once again typecast as the intelligent villain. Poor man.

So Lincoln is beginning to suspect lots about the world around him, like "where the tubes go" and "who decided that we all wear white?". This all comes to a head when he manages to find his way into a restricted area of the community...place...thing...and stumbles across an awful secret.

You see (if you're still awake out there) there's a Lottery in the community and whoever wins, being picked at random, gets to go to the "Island", the only placeon Earth that's free from contamination.
But, unlike Dolores MacNamara, there ain't no cash and the reward is actually a bit of a bummer.

Instead of being carted off to paradise, they get......harvested for their organs...

Not exactly the prize you'd be looking for after winning the Lotto then!

And Lincoln finds this out after wandering into another part of the facility..whatever the place is.

The next day-or sometime afterwards- he learns that Jordan (Johansson) has won the lottery. SO he rescues her and they manage to escape.
Yeah, security is that bad.

Then, after running for miles (they're very fit) they stumble across a bar and find one of the workers from the facility that Lincoln had befriended. This guy takes them to his house and explains to them the terrible secret of their purpose in life...

Which I can't tell you.

But the surprise, whatever it is, doesn't come as too much of a debilitating shock to Lincoln and Jordan because they get on the move a few minutes later. The jumpsuits are ditched.

Then they're off on a whirlwind big city adventure,and get chased.

I wont tell you how it ends, or how the middle bit goes, because then you wouldn't have to see it. Unless you want to pay me the EUR8 or so and I'll tell you it all. For a bit more I might even act it out.

Good film, especially for a 12A cert. Lots of gory bits, which a certain 15 year old tomato addict sitting to my right in the cinema did not enjoy. But we sedated her with a bottle of ketchup and things were fine.

A bit long though. A bit way too long!

And the most obvious product placement since I Robot.

So that's my review. 3 and a half out of 5.

Empire, if you're hiring, I'm available.

Odd Names for Everyday Things

2005-08-23T04:44:00.000-07:00

Well, another week of waffle beckons and here I am, back again to tempt you to my site with another slightly off the wall post.

Consider this post my "Jesus Juice" and my blog as the "Neverland ranch"

Actually...don't.

My first topic of the day, ladies and gentlemen, is odd names for everyday items. The perceptive among you will already have picked up on that.

The idea for this came to me when I was watching telly last night and the ads came on.
One of the ads was for Mach 3 Turbo razor blades.

Now....I have a Mach 3 razor and, contrary to what the ads might insinuate, it does not move at three times the speed of sound.
If indeed it did travel at 340 metres per second, I would have a bit of a bloody mess for a face!
And would it not also produce a sonic boom too?

I can tell you that the only sonic booms that come from the bathroom are when I've had too much fruit to eat the night before...

I am so sorry for telling you that. No one needed to know.
Try and forget.

And as for Mach 3 Turbo...is it not the most stupid idea in the history of toiletries to have a battery in an object that regularily gets dipped into water????

And by the way, there's nothing special about the Mach 3. Apart from the bloody price of new razor heads.

Anyway, that's the first odd name I came across.

Keeping this post firmly in the gutter, the next one to cross my mind were "sanitary towels".
Is that not the most paradoxical name for something ever?

I mean, it's not a particularily sanitary piece of material.
In fact it's probably one of the least sanitary objects in the world.
If you were going to have your prostate examined, you'd hardly call the doctor's glove a "sanitary glove". Or re-name toilet roll as "sanitary paper".

Next up, and in marked contrast to what I was just talking about, is "health food".
Yeah...wash your hands!

Is there such a thing as "health" food. Surely all food, by providing calories, is good for you, and that it's merely the amounts of the different food stuffs that you eat that makes the difference?

In fairness, have you ever gone into health store? Ever bought and eaten some of the stuff they prescribe?

Oh it's just awful.

If I want to subsist on a diet of sesame seeds and raisins, I will become a parrot.
And sure if you eat too much fruit you'll get gassy, too many oranges will erode your teeth. You can also get abdominal pains.

And this is the best bit, apple seeds contain....

cyanide!!!

Hahaha! Real bloody healthy there!

Next up on the block are countries that put "Democratic" in their name.

Yeah, bastions of liberty like the Democratic Republic of Congo and the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea.

It seems to me that if you need to put the word in the actual nation's title to remind people how free they are, then you might want to think about actually being democratic or be honest about it. I think the titles Authoritarian Republic of Congo and Communist People's Republic ring true a little more.

And isn't it funny that the more dictatorial the government, the greater the propensity for inserting "democratic" into the letter head?

Another is the DART.

Dublin Area Rapid Transit, my arse.

The bloody thing now stops at random places on the line more than it does at actual stations!
And for the last year and a half has not actually run the whole length of track, sue to rail works. It won't be long till the "D" comes to mean "democratic" instead!!

If anyone has any more funny names that contrast a bit with the actual objects they describe lease post them in the comments section.

Bring Home the "Australia One"!!

2005-08-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Good to see McDowell is home.

Now, as the inagural year's "Harping On Minister of the Year" could Herr Justice please wrench his brief back of Nurse Harney?
Apparently he's "on leave" still.

On behalf of the electorate might I say a big fuck that to that news.

Off yer arse and back to work, Mickey. There's people to extradite.

Deutschland uber alles

2005-08-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

Em....I'm not sure on this but Pope Benedict might want to rethink his public gestures.

Okay I can understand the reticence to kiss the tarmac. As that was a pretty nasty habit of JP2's. I'm suprised he didn't pick something up off the ground.

I mean you wouldn't star scoring your driveway after being on a car trip.

Well you might...you really shouldn't.

No, what I caution Benny (I'm so going to hell) about is his waves.

It's like this. Popular German figures should not make expanisve gestures with their arms at about a ninety degree angle.

Like yer man...

That's me done till Monday. It's been real.

Peace Out

Immignorant

2005-08-17T04:20:00.000-07:00

Now to start off...I have to go through the whole rigamarole of saying that I'm glad that people are coming to work in Ireland form abroad. Especially those from Eastern Europe, some of whom I've worked with. Lithuanians make speed demon bus drivers by the way...

But I have one minor quibble.

Zebra crossings aren't just street paintings.

They're there for a reason.

And It's be just groovy if you didn't try to knock me down the next time I tried to cross.

At the moment I have to peer out like a nervous turtle to see if any foreign reg cars are bearing down on me before attempting to get to the other side. Only when I see "IRL" in blue by the registration do I stick my foot out in full safety. And even then it's always a bit of a hit or miss (not literally hopefully!) seeing as Irish people have an incredible knack for plowing into each other too.

So anyway, cead mile failte to you all. And please stop trying to run me over.

John O'Don'thaveaclue

2005-08-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

Was anyone else watching "Rip-Off Republic" on RTE 1 last night?

Our esteemed Minister for Arts, Sport, Tourism, the Gaelteacht, the Islands and whatever else Bertie can stuff in his portfolio, John O'Donoghue, was quoted about the perceived culture of....how shall I put this?

Oh yes.

Bloody gougers ripping off the public for every last cent.

The offical Government response to this general and widespread concern is that-and this is wonderful-there is no rip off culture!

That's a relief, isn't it?

That whole thing about us having the highest excise duty on alcohol in the EU, the most expensive drink and soft drinks in the EU and one of the highest costs of living in the Union...that's all a completely seperate matter.

It gets even better.

Not only is Ireland not in the grip of the most amoral shower of bastard publicans and restauranteurs, but we're doing harm to our own tourism economy by talking non stop about the problem. You know, that problem that doesn't exist?

Aren't we a big bunch of sillybillies? To all simultaneously notice absurdly high prices? And to exercies free speech...how short sighted of us.

Not that they're high, you understand.

No, according to the Minister (the same one moving his entire dept down to his constituency. Had to mention that), Ireland is a low tax and high cost country.

That's just a magical occurance. Apparently. Those high costs, well they just smuggled themselves into the country in a Dell crate bound for Leixlip.

As was completely proven last night, we are not a low tax country where it comes to rates set on food and drink. So Johnny was lying through his teeth in that regard. Or was completely ignorant of the entire issue. Either one would be no suprise to me.

And, as for the cafe bar proposal, Michael McDowell (my Minister of the Year) was effectively prevented from acting in what he believed to be the common good by the Vitner's Federation.

Sorry, sorry, I meant the Fianna Fail parliamentary party. I always get those two mixed up.

The Government and Oireachtas are meant to govern and legislate for the common good of the country. Not to protect the interests of a powerful and wealthy lobby, to which some of them belong to.
The entire political framework of this state is rotten. The national agenda in this country is obstructed by the self serving parish politics and backslapping of lobbies that almost every TD subscribes to.

I swear to God that if I ever get the chance or a public mandate I will do my best to kick in the door and try to bring the whole shambolic edifice down.

Consider this my first campaign promise.